Lessons I Learnt From Blogging Everyday for 31 Days aka 1 month.

1.    It’s hard to put your work out there constantly - even on days where I didn’t struggle with the content, I struggled with sharing it- when you create only when inspiration strikes, it’s easy to share because you feel like that’s something worth sharing- but when you’re creating no matter how you feel, those feelings of self consciousness are quicker to rise - the hardest part of creating isn’t creating, it’s sharing.

2.    When you find inspiration, you can find it again- I became less afraid of stopping things - before I would be scared that if I didn’t write an exact sentence down the way it came to me, I would lose it forever but then I realised that the inspiration came from me and that well of inspiration would continue to exist past the moment.

3.    If you don’t plan in advance, the quality of your work will suffer. Somewhere in the last 10 days, I started to feel 50/50 about the quality of work I was putting out vs the first week where I felt like everything was of the highest quality.

 4.    Consistency kills procrastination – there’s a post I put up this past month that I wrote in TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHTEEN. Like I didn’t have to edit it because it was fully written, edited and sitting in my drafts for two years. This is so common with creative work- when you’re not consistent, it’s easy to live with an imaginary standard of work vs actually taking the risk to put out something that you’re not sure of.

 5.    A month is a long time and it’s also no time at all- somewhere in the recess of my mind, I thought I would gain a lot of traction just by showing up consistently…for a month. I didn’t admit this thought to myself, obviously. If you had asked me, I would have told you I had zero expectations, but of course there’s always that tiny flicker in your mind that you refuse to acknowledge. Let me tell you something, the gift of consistency is consistency itself. Did I gain traction? Not really. Was I disappointed? No. 

 6.    It boosted my confidence and value in myself- this is a catch 22- I was able to complete the challenge because of the work I had been doing to see my work as having value, but doing the work itself increased my self value. For the first time in a long time, I started taking art commissions again, I started writing in general again, I started designing again. Things I didn’t even realise I had been making excuses not to do because I couldn’t see the value. I am a lot more self confident now than I was at the start of last month.

 7.    It also boosted my ability to be vulnerable- something about putting my words out in the world everyday made me able to tap into that vulnerability in other areas of my life. In the past month, I’ve been able to have honest conversations where I’m able to put my thoughts and feelings out honestly without fear. It’s very freeing. 

 Wow, It’s crazy that I got so much out of this. I am so happy I did it and honestly, showing up for yourself without any tangible and immediate benefit is the most satisfying feeling in the world. If I could bottle it and sell it, I would. 

 What did you think about the challenge?

I’m Taking A Short Break

But I’ll be back on Monday (the 8th of June).

Lockdown Journal: Episode 5

What better way to end the month than by sharing my pure, unfiltered thoughts?

I’m going to start by saying thank you. When you set a goal that involves putting yourself out in the world- your work out in the world, the fear that underlies all the other feelings is that no one listens. Your support, which has always meant a lot, has meant even more this week.

To the beautiful women that actually put money on the table by supporting my patreon- Mide, Omoehi and Chioma. It was, and I’m so emotional even writing this, it was a sign to me, that after so long, I’m on the right path. It meant way more than money- it meant the world of faith and support and I’m so grateful for it.

 To Ore- who has supported before now and continued to support throughout. I appreciate your loud and unrelenting support. To Lanu, who goes out of her way to make sure I know that she loves and appreciates my work. To Ife, long time reader and avid commenter- even when I was highly inconsistent, you never ever ever stopped reading. Sometimes it felt like I was just writing for you, thank you! Yoma, Taynement, Nai, Afoma- always sharing, always commenting, always giving feedback, I love it, thank you. 

To everyone else that has been with me, I may not know you personally, but I feel your support, thank you!

The last few days have been heavy. It’s been hard to be a black woman existing in a world that hates both. People have been asking “where is it safe to be a woman?” and the answer is- nowhere. That’s a hard pill to swallow. 

 I was 13 and in a neighbours house with my cousins and siblings. In the maybe 5 minutes when I was alone with her brother, he lifted me up and put his hand under my dress. I jerked up, and ran out, shouting to my siblings and cousins to come after me on my way out. This lasted maybe 3 seconds but I remember the music playing and the exact dress I was wearing. Like a week or so after, my mum called me to have a talk about going around with men. One of the staff had reported to her that they had seen me alone with this man- and he was a man, he was in university. Her lesson was “even though you know you did nothing wrong in private, you can’t explain that to everyone, so you have to avoid putting yourself in situations that look bad”. 

I took that lesson to heart for so long and it has taken me so long to unlearn it- I’m still trying. Every woman has had that sort of lesson from someone, parent or not. On a generous day, I can see that it comes from a fearful but positive place, where women are so conditioned to focus their energy on teaching younger women to keep themselves safe because they don’t believe in men changing. They don’t understand the part they play in keeping things the same. For so long, it’s been up to women to be hyper aware, hyper strong, hyper guilty, hyper good. We have been unable to just exist even for a few days without fear or expectation. There are very few women that are able to exist without the burden of guilt.

I am very proud of myself for reaching this goal. I have tried and failed at this so many times. To have achieved it feels amazing and I can’t wait to share all my lessons from this month.

All this recent trauma will mark another turning point for thinking and for action. If you think covid has opened your mind, expect the aftermath of this to be more opening. I know that for me, it has become even more important to create work and to share it. It has become more important for me to tell as many stories as I can, centering black women. It has become more important to get out of my own way and beat down my ego and create and listen and learn and share. Always share. Always support. Always grow. 

I love you guys so much and congratulations to me!

The Fear of the Finish Line

There’s something interesting about the finish line. It’s when we’re most likely to give up. For 30 days, I have blogged everyday, but these last two days, I have almost not. It’s interesting because before I connected the dots, the reasons for giving up sounded sound. “I’ve had it up to here with the pain and suffering of black people and it doesn’t feel like the right time.” True, but like I said in my last post- the world keeps on turning and I had been turning in other areas- I had tweeted, I had instagrammed, I had done other things- why not keep up my commitment?

I always have 3 or 4 written posts at any time, so if I have no ideas or desire to write, I have something easy to reach for. Therefore, it wasn’t a question of not being able to write. When the same feeling hit my intermittent fasting goal, I connected the dots- the fear of the finish line!

Have you ever wondered why this is? Close to the end of a journey, feeling an overwhelming urge to give up? Is there a self-destructive part of you that wants to confirm the fear that you couldn’t achieve your goal? Are you scared of what comes next after you complete it?

This isn’t one of those times where I have the answers. I honestly have no idea why it happens. I’m happy and feel lucky that I’m at a point where I’m self-aware enough to realise it and to feel the fear and do it anyway! With ONE more day to the end of the goal, I’m not going to fall off now. 

Hopefully, I can end this amazing challenge with something that has challenged me and I’ve been scared to share! Also, are you guys missing 1000 word posts? I kind of am and no matter what the last post is, it’s going to be a long one, so come prepared!

 Here’s to overcoming the fear of finishing!

Here's a little fun

Today, I was really torn between posting and not because the whole world is just heavy right now but I always remember that life continues to go on. Time passes no matter how terrible the world is. Saying that, nothing seemed particularly appropriate for today so I decided to just put up some colouring sheets and an easy puzzle for everyone else that might be feeling like me today! Save the sheets and distract yourself for a few minutes and hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

What does it mean to be consistent?

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

I’m in a very smug and content place in life where I’m being consistent in so many areas. Today, the thought came to me, what does it mean to be consistent? We say it all the time, we know it’s important, but what does it mean?

Consistency is an anchor. It’s a safe place you explore the world from. In people, it might be your parents or your partner or a close friend you’ve had forever. You know that they are there for you no matter what, so it gives you the confidence to meet new people. It can be a home that’s always there to return to, so you have the confidence to travel everywhere. 

Somehow, we change that idea and definition when it comes to habits. Then, consistency means “the same”. You MUST do the same workout program everyday. You must wake up at 6.45am everyday. You must write 372 words EVERYDAY. You must eat 1574 calories everyday. The moment you miss a day- it’s gone, destroyed, you’re no longer a consistent person.

How false and silly is that notion? I wrote earlier in the month about building an anchor and now I’m realising that’s also building consistency. In order to be consistent, you need to build safe spaces for yourself to return to. 

 In a way, this month, I’ve been dropping clues that all lead here. When you know your what and your why, when you find your anchor, when you realise that time is going to pass no matter what you do, suddenly you’re being consistent! 

Any achievement that comes from consistency comes from a culmulative effect. I can write 10,000 words a day. One day, I wrote 16 thousand words. To aim to make 10k words or even 5k or 2k my anchor is setting myself up to fail because anyone can do anything a few times but what I KNOW I can do everyday, no matter how I feel, is write 300 words. That’s my anchor. That’s how I’m a consistent writer. That makes me feel good and competent and like I’ve achieved something. On days when I write 2,000 and 5,000 and 1,000 words, it feels good to know that the next day, I can relax into 300 and my work is done. 

 You don’t have to figure it out on day 1 and you don’t need to hit personal bests every day. I realise this is a hard way to think because I have these conversations with people, and they see it as me giving myself an out or not pushing myself hard enough. Anchors sound easy because anchors are easy. They have to be! Consistent spaces/ people don’t become that because they are difficult, it’s because they make you feel safe. 

In the next few weeks, I’ll be zeroing in on areas of my life I’ve become consistent in and explain my own personal journey to consistency in those areas. 

What does consistency mean to you?

Storytime: How A Work Friendship Almost Put Me in Trouble

So I started a job in retail. Retail gave me many gifts, all of them terrible. The time my manager docked my pay and put me down as “unexplained absence” even though I had evidence of my hospital admission. I even had photos- terrible. The time they decided not to do an investigation after my ipad was stolen AT WORK.

Was it the first time I had experienced racism at work? Definitely not. An alumni I called in one of my jobs told me to “go back to my country”- my housemate, whose rent agreement I guaranteed because he had bad credit fed so many false bad stories to my colleagues until another Nigerian had to be like, this guy hates you-stop living with him. 

Somehow, it hit harder in retail, maybe because of how little I was paid. In a few weeks after starting, the only people I was friends with were the other black girls. One of them was, let’s call her Sandra. Sandra was fun- we met up for lunch and drinks and to shop. When we did shifts together, we helped each other out. We talked about our real lives. Basically, we were friends. 

One day, Sandra tells me to look out for her boyfriend that was starting work in the store the next day when I was at work and she wasn’t. Apparently, he had just gotten out of jail in America and was back in the UK. As you do, I’m like “oh jail, how come? What was he in for”

 “Attempted murder.”

 “Attempted murder? Why was he in jail for attempted murder?”

 “Oh he tried to kill someone, but the guy didn’t die.”

 *Blinks slowly*

 “Yeah I’ve told him to find you on your shift, just help him out if he needs it.”

 My brain was fried. I didn’t feel like I could be like “I would rather not, if that’s okay”, so I just agreed.

 The day of the shift comes and he really does come up to me in like the first 10 minutes. I help him out throughout the shift and as luck would have it, he finishes at the exact same time as me. We are walking out of the store together and I ask if he’s walking or taking the bus.

 “Bus”, he answers.

 I’m relived because I’m walking whether or not I planned to. I was wearing some massive heels as well, but as someone that used to wear heels to uni classes, I was used to it and ready to do it. We reached the bus stop turning and my mouth was already shaped into a bye, but he didn’t turn left towards the bus stop, he continued right with me. 

 “Oh the bus stop is right there”, I said pointing. 

 “I’m just going to walk as well”.

 Yikes. 

 At this point, I’m like ah well, fair enough, we have to separate at some point. Somehow, every turn, he was there. I didn’t want to ask where he lived because, honestly, I didn’t want to know. I considered just stopping somewhere and saying that was my plan, but like, I couldn’t think clearly so I just carried on home. 

 I lived in an apartment building, so I thought, “he won’t know my actual flat”. He said bye literally at the gate to my apartment. 

 A man you don’t know following you home is already scary in itself, but I sort of put the incident out of my mind.

 Like a month later, Sandra calls me to say “oh btw I told my boyfriend I’m staying at yours, just in case he calls to ask”

 What. The. Hell? This guy literally knows where I live?! Why am I in the middle of this cheating and lying fiasco?

 And that was the beginning of the end for me and Sandra. 

 I wonder how she is though.

 Sandra, if you’re reading this, hey!

Movies to watch based on your favourite Black Mirror Episode

So..Black Mirror as a show started out really strong. It was innovative and fresh and so British…and then it…wasn’t. Hate it or love it, overall, there are some episodes that stand out and the world is moving so far in the direction of crazy, that so many things on Black Mirror don’t seem as far fetched as they used to. 

Anyway, I came, I watched and I remembered movies that were just like some episodes.

Arkangel is easy- if you liked that, then its just like the movie "the circle", which got bad reviews, but was truthfully just like an episode of black mirror- very well made movie, great acting, great scenery, and based on a book of the same name which was very easy to read.

if you liked Hang the DJ, which was my favourite episode, then you'll like "the Timer", a movie where people had the ability to buy a clock that counts down to meeting their soulmate. Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind is also a good movie to watch because it speaks to the fallacy of wiping your memory to start again.

If you liked USS Callister, you'll like Tron, where a boy and his dad go into the dangerous game that the father has created to stop it from doing stuff he didn’t intend it to do.

If you liked the memory aspect of Crocodile, you'll probably like the movie Majorie Prime, and if you liked the killing aspect, I'm sure there is no shortage of movies to satisfy your craving. 

Majorie Prime is also one to watch if you want a movie like story 2 in "Black Museum" where the dead live on, but for you more than them.

Easy Stay At Home Hair and Beauty Routines

It was only natural that after spending weeks experimenting in the kitchen, that experimentation moved to beauty and hair routines. I am unscientifically declaring that people have worked out more than they ever have and we’re almost back to that 2010 “how do I take care of my hair” fever.

Like everything else in my life, I like to keep routines simple and get to the heart of what is important. The simplicity doesn’t exist for the purpose of the actual routine- it exists for you to do something enough to make it a routine. Anyone can do anything once, but if it’s too hard and complex, your brain is going to shut down the motivation the next time you try to do it. I would rather do a simple thing consistently than do a complex thing once, but that’s just me.

Hair

One day like a week or two ago, me and my cousin went down a rabbit hole of long healthy Nigerian hair. It was that conversation that actually motivated me to cut my hair. I ordered a bunch of moisturising products, enlisted my husband to be my barber and went for it. I can tell you that after the hours of research that I did that day, the two things that matter most in hair growth and health are diet and moisture. You have to eat enough protein and stay hydrated and you have to keep your hair clean and moisturised.

Skin

My skincare goal is always to have clear skin- not perfect skin. The fundamentals that apply to everyone is keeping your pores clean and keeping your skin moisturised. Some tips for cleaning your skin properly are using a damp washcloth to wipe off cleanser, using a cotton pad and micellar water first to make sure you really clean the skin and washing your face for at least 60 seconds. My unpopular opinion is except you have really big windows that let in a lot of direct sunlight, you really don’t need to wear sunscreen everyday indoors.

Fitness

If you’re just starting to work out, there are so many ways to ease yourself into it. A nice safe routine to do daily is a walking workout- there are tons of free walking workouts on YouTube. Tabata workouts are also a nice intro into working out because it includes built in breaks after every move. I do think if you’re staying at home all day, movement is a must. If I’m up early enough, I like to walk outside (still in my house) for 30 minutes just to get some vitamin d and fresh air. Now more than ever, fitness is wellness.

What are your easy stay at home routines?

How much self-care is too much?

I love self-care, we all do. When something becomes hijacked as a marketing tool, that’s when we should all be worried, and self-care is definitely at the top of that list. At its heart, self-care is simple- the act of caring for yourself. In reality, it’s way more complicated, even though it doesn’t seem like something that should be. 

 I am sometimes guilty of excessive self-care. Sometimes, that means I wrap myself up in a ball so soft that I don’t really engage with the world enough. I don’t speak to people I don’t want to speak to, I don’t engage in things that are stressful, I push myself but only to the point that is reasonably comfortable. 

 But I’ve started to ask myself- how much is too much? 

 Do you really need to treat yourself 3 times a week and if you treat yourself that often, is it even a treat? Do you need to YOLO every purchase? 

 Do you need to disengage from everyone that says something you don’t like? Is it really excessive to follow through with goals you set for yourself even though there’s no tangible reward at the end of it?

 Is it okay to accept that sometimes things are just hard and it’s okay to push through that and come out on the other side rather than avoid the hardness? 

 So much of self-care becomes its own impossible quest for perfection- Perfect skin, perfect mood, perfect life- none of those things are really real. You can decide your own standard for perfect and reach it rather than self-caring yourself into an impossible place that requires more and more and more and more self-care to reach.

 Last month, I spent a hefty amount of money on skin care and when my friend finally found vendors that sell the exact brand I love and need, my hands were ready to buy even more skincare. I paused. I’ve been in this cycle before of buying more than I need and then discarding most of it. I only have one face- how do I make what I have work before buying something else? I’ve gone through that same mental space for clothes and even for food. I don’t need more than I can use and if I have too much, I can make room by giving stuff away rather than just adding more stuff.

 At the end of the day, there are very few things that are care when you overdo it. It’s easy to look online and feel like everyone in the world is giving in to their every whim but the reality is always more complex. You have to create care that suits your own reality. One that balances out your life. One that makes you feel cared for, offers relief, brings you joy. 

Being a woman is truly exhausting

Do you ever think of how insane female socialisation is? There are so many things we are conditioned to think and believe that we will never fully be rid of it, no matter what- hopefully, if we choose to have kids, we can make conscious efforts to not pass it alone.

Do you ever think of how weird it is that we are socialised to be objects- us, by existing. I think of phrases like “leave something to the imagination”- whose imagination? why?

Why is “sexy schoolgirl” a thing? I remember one time, a few years ago running in my estate and a teenager was walking to school and I thought “is her skirt a bit short?”. I had to interrupt that thought in my head - why on earth did I think a teenager’s school skirt was a problem?

Along with “sexy schoolgirl”, there’s sexy librarian, sexy nurse, sexy every thing. Can women not just do their jobs without some underlying “sexy” thing going on?

I’m not sure I know where the line is between doing things for myself, doing things because I’m “supposed” to and doing things because I’m trying to unlearn so many things that I’ve been socialised to just accept.

If you’re married, have you ever felt that weight of everything domestic- so if your husband says “hmm this countertop is dirty”, you hear “you didn’t clean this countertop”?

I reject the “strong and capable” trope. On the surface it sounds so inspiring and motivating- but when you think of what it means, it becomes overwhelming. Women can’t even say their child isn’t the happiest part of their lives without being crucified for it. How crazy is it that women changing their names is just…normal. If the new family needs a new name, why can’t they invent a new surname? Why can’t they both changing their names be the standard?

I think Covid has made me think more and more about the weight of expectations women take on because they have been disproportionately affected by this pandemic on all fronts - from work to home life.

Let me tell you, living against conditioning is extremely hard and comes with immediate backlash and consequences. Many women find it easier to just stick to the status quo because it’s harder to fight…every single day…every single person. You start to sound crazy, even to yourself.

In order to survive and to live, you can’t fight every battle, you have to settle sometimes.

Even that is exhausting.

You are a person before you are anything else. Try and remember that.

A Foolproof Banana Bread Recipe

Photo by Jeff Siepman on Unsplash

Baking gets a bad rep. Compared to cooking, it’s seen as super hard and super technical- “everything has to be exact, it’s a science”. That’s not exactly true. I think when you’re baking for personal consumption, the goal is to create something you enjoy, not to create something perfect or to get the same exact results as a recipe.

There’s a reason why banana bread is a popular bake- it’s easy, it’s customisable and it uses ingredients that most people have at home. I like my loaves to have a nice crumb- I don’t like that kind of gloopy bake that passes as “moist”. After a fair bit of trial and error, I finally found a recipe that works really well every time and is kind enough to accommodate minor mistakes.

Ingredients

1 cup sugar (this can be any sugar. I’ve used all brown, all white and a mix of both. The sugar will affect texture a little bit but it’s up to you what your preference is, and what you have available)

2 eggs

3 mashed bananas

2 cups all purpose flour (you can use self raising flour and exclude the baking powder and salt)

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/4-1/2 teaspoon ginger powder

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

140g melted butter (or 1/2 cup oil)

If your butter is unsalted or you’re using oil, add 1/4 teaspoon of sea salt

Method

Mix all the ingredients together in the order listed until combined (do not over mix) and bake- if you make cupcakes or muffins, it will be ready in 12 minutes. If you make a loaf, it will be ready in 30-40 minutes.

If you have an oven you can set, put it on 200c.

If you have one of those ovens that just have no temp gauge, put it on a medium heat and check after 12-30 minutes depending on the size of your pan.

And there you have it. It’s not as clinical and straightforward as a regular recipe, which some people will hate and some will prefer, but I’d like you to bake in the mindset of being able to make adjustments that won’t alter the end result in any meaningful way. If you try this recipe, let me know what you think.

My experience on the Keto diet

Last year I decided to try the Keto diet. I’ve tried almost every diet at least once and this was no exception. The trip to stock up for this diet was one of the last shopping trips me and my mum took together and I don’t know- it makes the two things connected in my mind.

I didn’t weigh myself on this diet so I don’t know if I lost weight and how much- for people that are interested in that. I measured my waist and I lost 6 inches off my waist in the three weeks I was on this.

I kept a daily log for the first week of my feelings and roughly what I ate to track my macros.

Day 1- I had this crazy idea to wake up super early and SEIZE THE DAY. In reality, I woke up super early and spent the next two hours walking around in a confused daze. Tired me was tired and tired me makes bad decisions so I hauled my ass back to bed.

It’s 3.30- I’ve had a nap and feel more exhausted then ever. I’m starting to think this is the diet and not waking up one hour earlier. I feel foggy and exhausted and my head feels like it weighs a ton. I’ve had like 2g of carbs so maybe eating lunch will help. I’m not hungry though but I’m very tired

Day 2- started the day normally and by the time afternoon came, I was EXHAUSTED- had a nap and felt slightly better

Day 3- I was hungry- I even dreamt of being hungry 

Day 4- I woke up hungry, but once I ate - I was good- water started tasting sweet- did my Google’s and found that it’s a sign of ketones in the blood- ate and water went back to tasting normal which was fine by me- couldn’t finish lunch and couldn’t eat again rest of the day- wasn’t tired or sleepy - had energy and motivation. Prepped chia seed pudding with coconut milk- the thing is I don’t like things that taste like coconut - so I mean we’ll see.if I wasn’t doing this for a story, I would have straight up started exiting 

Day 5- cravings hit HARD. Im not hungry but I’m highly unsatisfied- after snacking on almonds and cheddar, I’m like ??? I’ve had coffee, a salad, chia seed pudding and lots of water 

I want caaaarbs

Woke up in the middle of the night because I kept having the sensation of ants crawling under my feet- lord when does all of this end- Googled what it was and took a magnesium tablet - eventually, I drift off to sleep and when I wake up it’s fine 

Day 7- at some point in the evening, my joint starts aching - some googling again and realise that it’s probably Uric acid- need to really up my water intake and be deliberate about drinking my 3 litres 

Day 8- wake up, NOT HUNGRY! Whoop

So, the main feature of Keto after day 8 was that I was hardly ever hungry. I stopped it when I started going whole days without eating. I hated the feel of fat in my throat so much, and I couldn’t face another thing that wasn’t carbs. At the beginning, having butter or cream in coffee was fun but I got sick of that after a few days and switched to homemade almond milk. On my very last day on the diet, the only thing I had all day was coffee and I just thought, enough of this.

I tried to be really creative with my meals and made things like almond pancakes, chia seed pudding and frozen yoghurt- things I had never made before. I actually also ate more fruit and veg than usual because they were the only carbs I was having (while still staying under 20g of net carbs). It also turned me off dairy in coffee forever and I haven’t been able to go back to having my coffee with any dairy in it. Saying that, butter in coffee might sound gross, but when it’s blended, it’s really just the same as cream.

I can see why it’s so popular though- After I adjusted to it, I craved nothing. Food just didn’t interest me very much (I don’t know how much of it was the diet and how much of it was that I’m not all that crazy about meat and fat).

I don’t see myself doing it again but I can see it being a very good diet for people that are struggling to wean themselves off sugary processed food.

I would also suggest doing adequate research to make sure things like fibre and veg targets are reached rather than eating lots of fried processed food and artificial sweeteners.

Have you tried Keto? What did you think?

Successful Companies Founded by People that Were Over 40

The other day, Lauryn Hill and Jill Scott did a joint instagram live and I remember someone tweeting “it’s so inspiring that Jill Scott wrote her first song when she was 27, it shows it’s never too late”- what? Do you realise how young 27 is for success? I know especially with all the tech stuff now and founders being like 20, it feels like if you haven’t achieved something great by the time you’re 30, you’ve failed. Listen, that is so not true. I know people always say you can start over at any age and I’m here to discuss powerhouse brands that were founded past..40. Yep, I’ve added 10 years to the “cut off” so you don’t have to stress.

Vera Wang

I had to start with her because the other day, photos of her looking youthful at 70, went viral. Let me just start and say- yes, she had a long career as an editor at vogue before this and only thought of launching this business when she was struggling to find a dress when she was getting married at 40 (see? you don’t have to get married before your thirtieth birthday). The Vera Wang brand has since expanded from luxury wedding dresses to lower end dresses, accessories and even household items like dishes.

Asa Candler

Founded Coca-Cola at age 41. John Pemberton who created the original recipe was 54.

Julia Child

Published her first cookbook at age 50

David Sanders

Started KFC at age 62

Martha Stewart

Published first cookbook at age 41

Christian Dior

launched his fashion brand at 41

John Warnock

Founded Adobe at 42

Henri Nestle

Started Nestle at age 52

Chaleo Yoovidhya

Started Red Bull at age 53

There are so many more examples and even more examples of people that found success in their 30s. I like looking at older founders because they lived lives before they created the iconic successes. They weren’t necessarily just waiting and hoping that they create something that ends up being huge. You need to live! Don’t sign out of living because you’re 28 and haven’t created some huge company. Don’t stop living because you’re 36 or 42 or 51. Don’t stop living because you haven’t worked since you had kids. Do not let the passage of time stop you from living!

Who are your favourite “old” successes?

Show Up For Yourself

When I was a runner, for many years in my past life, the one thing that stood out to me about it was how it made me show up for myself. For the first year of running, I woke up before 6am to catch a bus to meet up with two girls I barely knew (one of whom is famous now, sorry to everyone that hears me talk about this every two months) to run for 12 minutes. In my second year of running, I ran 3 miles a day everyday for the whole year- come rain or snow or whatever. Evntually, I ran for longer and longer, waking up even earlier depending on work. It didn’t matter if I had someone over or whatever else was going on in my life- those miles were a promise to show up for myself and I always did.

 There’s something about living in Nigeria that makes you stop showing up for yourself- I don’t know quite what it is. Maybe it’s the paradox of people infantilising you and then expecting everything from you at the same time or the limits that society constantly places on you with judgment that shouldn’t matter but feels overwhelming all the same. The way vulnerability is really not a part of the culture and so you end up feeling alone, or sometimes foolish- for showing up- even for yourself.

 Lately, I’ve gradually started showing up for myself. I’m not quite where I used to be, because quite frankly, I was a powerhouse- but it’s the 19th day of blogging everyday and I haven’t missed a day. I’ve finished writing a book and have started another one and I’m generally taking myself away more seriously. I still have some way to go to get to the place I would like to be, but just as it takes time to build trust with other people, it takes time to build trust with yourself. I am enjoying the slow process of building that trust with myself.

 It just occurred to me the other day how crazy it was that I was putting 100 percent of myself into everything that wasn’t mine- every job- paid and unpaid- every favour, but I wasn’t even giving myself the bare minimum. I could work for hours on research for someone else’s thing but I couldn’t sit for 1 hour and create something for myself. I think the conditioning is so deep that you have to see productivity as beyond something that brings any tangible reward. You have to see yourself as worth the effort.  

Take some time to think of whether or not you’re showing up for yourself and if you haven’t been, it’s never too late to start!

Six Nigerian Instagram Creators to Follow

I feel like I spend half my time on social media looking for Nigerian creators! Issa struggle and I’m always open to suggestions! In putting together this list, I focused on creators that were a little less known and that were consistent! They are also mostly lifestyle accounts because that’s my favourite kind . Please send more suggestions in the comments and without further ado- here we go!

SiaInStyle

One random day, a couple of months ago, Ifeoma sacrificed her swipe up function to delete her entire account, starting over from scratch and her content is better for it! With crisp images and thoughtful captions, I love her account!

Whether you choose to cover up head to toe or walk around completely naked, it's YOUR BODY and nobody should ever make you think YOUR CHOICE of dressing warrants sexual assault, it's not ever your fault!! This message is brought to you by your favorite sis and her backrolls in honor of #sexualassaultawarenessmonth *insert mic drop gif here*

1,097 Likes, 196 Comments - Ifeoma Amadi {SiaInStyle} (@siainstyle) on Instagram: "Whether you choose to cover up head to toe or walk around completely naked, it's YOUR BODY and..."

The Oddity

Her account has exploded in the last few months because of her infectious energy! Always on stories, she’s happy with laughing at herself and engaging with her followers!

If you didn't know me you'd think I was quiet and sane but for those who do 👀👀 comment down below one word you'd use to describe me! 😂 Better be nice 😂

5,208 Likes, 433 Comments - That Odd Girl 🤪 (@the_odditty) on Instagram: "If you didn't know me you'd think I was quiet and sane but for those who do 👀👀 comment down below..."

Nife Akingbe

With 65k followers, this is the person on this list with the largest following! She shares her day to day life as a newish mum and lots of fashion content. I really enjoy seeing her new content pop up.

Mr & Mrs Before our homegirl Ire . P.s I was too pressed to get this car "Olu I N e e d it" 😭😭😭. I have zero regrets because it's such a classic ride. We gotta recreate this shoot one day. Photographed by @femiosinowo

1,757 Likes, 77 Comments - Nifesimi Akingbe (@nifeakingbe) on Instagram: "Mr & Mrs Before our homegirl Ire . P.s I was too pressed to get this car "Olu I N e e d it" 😭😭😭...."

Iamdodos Style

With impossibly crisp content, it’s hard to believe that Dodos lives in the same Lagos we all live in. Her content is consistent, fresh and looks sooo good!

A little sugar & spice ❔

3,727 Likes, 96 Comments - I A M D O D O S (@iamdodos_style) on Instagram: "A little sugar & spice ❔"

Eniswardobe

With complete focus on fashion, it’s refreshing to see a feed that doesn’t try to be too many things at once!

Keep it simple with a pop of colour. I bought this jacket from @topshop a couple of weeks back and it's always so nice to get an item that can be so versatile that it's easy to style with anything.

191 Likes, 18 Comments - Eniswardrobe (@eniswardrobe) on Instagram: "Keep it simple with a pop of colour. I bought this jacket from @topshop a couple of weeks back and..."

In My Sunday Best

Wholesome, fun content! Her feed actually gives me that Sunday morning feeling- where everything is calm and the week ahead feels like a fresh start!

Anyone else still dressing up and putting on makeup just to sit at their desks for nine hours? 😂 Hope you all had a wonderful start to your various weeks. 🌸

503 Likes, 47 Comments - Sade (@inmysundaybest) on Instagram: "Anyone else still dressing up and putting on makeup just to sit at their desks for nine hours? 😂..."

Who are your fave Nigerian instagram creators?

Some Things I've Enjoyed During Lockdown

I’ve been so jealous of everyone on my instagram who lives in a developed country and is able to order whatever they want. I’ve seen kitchen equipment, furniture, fun snacks (biscuits iced to look like a full English breakfast???). In Lagos, the stuff I can get is seriously limited but that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried :). Here are some of my better choices

Cast Iron Roasting Dish- radiance cookware

So, one time I was on instagram and stumbled on this page- I knew cast iron was somewhere in my future but it wasn’t something I was actively thinking about at that time so I saved it (or so I thought). AA few months later, a friend was asking on instagram where she could buy a cast iron pan in Lagos and I started looking for the brand which apparently I hadn’t saved anywhere. I searched and searched and searched for like a week- and then I gave up. One day, I was on my instagram explore page and there it was! I was so excited, I followed, shared and saved and a few days later, decided to start my collection with the thing I needed most- a roasting dish. I haven’t even used it yet and I’m so excited, can you tell?

Jaya Chocolate Chip Cookie

The perfect cookie is chewy and crispy and not too sweet. If there’s anything I bake most, it’s cookies- but sometimes I just want to eat one or two and not a dozen and would prefer to just buy it- I’ve tried chocolate chip cookies from a lot of vendors in Lagos and truthfully, they haven’t been great- too sweet or not chewy or not enough chocolate chips (usually, all three). When my friend offered me a cookie from Jaya, I thought why not? Let me tell you, I’m so glad I tried it! It was perfectly chewy and crispy, it was just sweet enough and it had a generous serving of chocolate chips! The chocolate was really good quality too! My new go to chocolate chip cookie!

New Skin and hair care products

I have tried no less than 50 skin care products in the past few years and I like what I like- everyone that knows me knows my favourite skincare brand is “fresh” and I like my face being very clean and moisturised. I’m not really into acids etc because I don’t think my skin needs it and I like to keep my routine simple. I’ve managed to run out of every single staple product that I have and so I had to order a bunch of new stuff to try. This cleanser and this oil were my favourites of the lot. The hilarious thing is my skin isn’t crazy about either- but I like how they feel when I’m using them- lmao.

After going through the gruelling process of braiding my own hair during this lockdown, I chopped all my hair off- again. I owned almost no hair care products so I turned to my cousin for some recommendations. This leave in was her biggest recommendation and I really like it for the simple reason that it moisturises my hair. I have no deeper reason for liking it, but I think moisturising my hair is a good enough reason.

How I Learnt To Accept My Body

I’m going to start by saying this- I don’t love my body and I don’t aim to- I accept it. Most days, I don’t think about it at all- it’s a body. This has been mentally freeing for me after so many years of obsessing over it and it is this mindset shift I’m discussing.

I stopped aiming for love

I think the standard of loving your body is too high- it’s almost unachievable and it seemed to me to be an unnecessary thing to strive for. Love is an emotion- it doesn’t serve a lot of practical purpose- you can love someone and not like them. You can love a person and merely accept things about them. As much as “love your body” is constantly sold as an achievable goal, it didn't feel all that achievable to me. The more I questioned what I wanted out of this whole mental journey, what I realised was - I just wanted it to not be a constant issue in my mind. I wanted to take pictures and meet up with people and live my life without constantly thinking of my body- There’s a term for this of course, it’s called “body neutrality” and that’s what I aimed for.

I examined my feelings

We come to dislike our bodies for many reasons, most of all the constant reinforcements of negative thoughts by everyone from family members to media and to random people on social media. Body standards for women have always been impossible, from when it was “as thin as possible” to when it became “perfectly proportionately curvy”- it’s important to step away from it all and examine how you really feel about your body and why.

I started consuming media that reinforced where I wanted to go to

From body positive instagrammers to doctors that constantly spoke up about body shaming, I followed a wide range of fashion bloggers at all sizes and started to realise that I didn’t care so much about it on other people, so it was silly to care so much about it when it came to myself.

I removed myself from spaces that served to shame

I believe in positive reinforcement over shaming and I had to remove myself from any space where there was any kind of shame regarding body size or shape.

I delved into health research

Health is the main tool used to wield hate against bodies and you can start to internalise that message - I know I definitely did, so I started to educate myself more on habits and health and guess what? Habits matter more than size.

I focused more on habits rather than numbers

I zeroed in on things I could improve on in my habits and focused my attention on that, rather than scale numbers- I ate more actual food- drank less sugar - started to aim to eat more protein, which is still a struggle. Focusing on habits made me feel good.

I think body acceptance is a process and you can get far along into the process and be set back by someone asking “weren’t you happier when you were slim?” or “omg you have put on so much weight, should I take a picture and show you”. Acceptance is a journey but it gets easier and it’s something you can take with you through all sorts of changes- whether you lose or gain weight, whether those changes are temporary or permanent, you can learn to accept yourself at each point of the journey!

Lockdown Journal:Episode 4

I am mentally exhausted. After two weeks of motivation and being my best self, I am visited again by “I just want to lie on the couch and eat cake with Netflix”. And I’m going to give in to that self. The best thing about not having a 9-5 is being able to give in to the highs and lows of your emotions and moods. The best thing about making a long term commitment like blogging everyday, is that you can give in to those impulses whilst having something grounding in the background. As long as I follow through with my commitments to self, I’m able to relax into the rest of my life guilt free.

Also, it’s Friday! As much as the days have started rolling into one during this lockdown, the weekend still feels very clear to me. Fridays are days for lying down and sinking into the day- Saturdays are my most creative and productive days (probably because of all the rest I get on Friday).

I cut my hair the other day and at first it looked awful, like really bad, but as the days have passed, it’s somehow starting to work? Or I’m getting used to it? Either way I like it. My skin is awful at the moment though, but somehow, I just can’t bring myself to care about that.

Isn’t it weird that on the surface, you can feel your emotions are completely fine but when you study your behaviour, you can see where things may not be so fine?

Everyday, I’m thinking “oooh I’m used to this”, but then I try to read or something and I’m like “I’m definitely not okay”. Today is the official month 2 mark of my lockdown- me and my husband started ours early. It’s weird, the novelty seems to have worn off for most people and we are here, sticking to being at home and I can’t help but wonder if I’m being extreme? Am I the one that’s crazy? Should I be making more of an effort to see my family? Are my own priorities wrong?

It felt nice when we are all "in this together”, but now we aren’t anymore and it’s back to deciding for yourself what your line is - also, all this talk of “new normal” is so tiring because chances are- things are probably just going to go back how they were and even if they don’t, we don’t know exactly how things are going to change.

Okay, the couch is calling and I need to go and answer!

Bye xxx

What Do I Want And Why?

What do I want and why do I want it is a question most of us have to confront at one or more times in our lives. It’s the question that if answered honestly, can help you unmask so many hidden fears that you have. Fear will continue to condition you to limit your desires until you are willing to be honest with them and face up to what you want.

Remember that want is a wish, a dream, a hope- so why be scared to explore it? Why be scared to admit it?

Your “want’ might be 1 million dollars- why not? Remember there’s a second part to this and both require the same level of honesty- what do you want can make you go wild – we can all want things if we ask ourselves long enough- but why? That’s the important part.

When I sat down with a pen and a notebook (okay truthfully, it was an apple pencil and an ipad but it still applies) and wrote down my wants and why, it uncovered so many things I had been unwilling to admit- it also made me able to set goals that actually matched my why. It forced me to see that I had been reaching for smaller goals because I had convinced myself I couldn’t achieve the larger goals. 

Have you ever looked at someone that seemed to have a singular drive to achieve one particular goal and thought “I wish I knew what goal I wanted to pursue, I have so many things in my mind”- I know I have- but guess what? There is a singular goal I want to pursue, It just seemed so unlikely that I refused to acknowledge it and therefore, refused to give it the attention that it needed.

How about an exercise for the day- You, your pen and some paper and two questions- what do I want? And why?