I am mentally exhausted. After two weeks of motivation and being my best self, I am visited again by “I just want to lie on the couch and eat cake with Netflix”. And I’m going to give in to that self. The best thing about not having a 9-5 is being able to give in to the highs and lows of your emotions and moods. The best thing about making a long term commitment like blogging everyday, is that you can give in to those impulses whilst having something grounding in the background. As long as I follow through with my commitments to self, I’m able to relax into the rest of my life guilt free.
Also, it’s Friday! As much as the days have started rolling into one during this lockdown, the weekend still feels very clear to me. Fridays are days for lying down and sinking into the day- Saturdays are my most creative and productive days (probably because of all the rest I get on Friday).
I cut my hair the other day and at first it looked awful, like really bad, but as the days have passed, it’s somehow starting to work? Or I’m getting used to it? Either way I like it. My skin is awful at the moment though, but somehow, I just can’t bring myself to care about that.
Isn’t it weird that on the surface, you can feel your emotions are completely fine but when you study your behaviour, you can see where things may not be so fine?
Everyday, I’m thinking “oooh I’m used to this”, but then I try to read or something and I’m like “I’m definitely not okay”. Today is the official month 2 mark of my lockdown- me and my husband started ours early. It’s weird, the novelty seems to have worn off for most people and we are here, sticking to being at home and I can’t help but wonder if I’m being extreme? Am I the one that’s crazy? Should I be making more of an effort to see my family? Are my own priorities wrong?
It felt nice when we are all "in this together”, but now we aren’t anymore and it’s back to deciding for yourself what your line is - also, all this talk of “new normal” is so tiring because chances are- things are probably just going to go back how they were and even if they don’t, we don’t know exactly how things are going to change.
Okay, the couch is calling and I need to go and answer!
Bye xxx