I love self-care, we all do. When something becomes hijacked as a marketing tool, that’s when we should all be worried, and self-care is definitely at the top of that list. At its heart, self-care is simple- the act of caring for yourself. In reality, it’s way more complicated, even though it doesn’t seem like something that should be.
I am sometimes guilty of excessive self-care. Sometimes, that means I wrap myself up in a ball so soft that I don’t really engage with the world enough. I don’t speak to people I don’t want to speak to, I don’t engage in things that are stressful, I push myself but only to the point that is reasonably comfortable.
But I’ve started to ask myself- how much is too much?
Do you really need to treat yourself 3 times a week and if you treat yourself that often, is it even a treat? Do you need to YOLO every purchase?
Do you need to disengage from everyone that says something you don’t like? Is it really excessive to follow through with goals you set for yourself even though there’s no tangible reward at the end of it?
Is it okay to accept that sometimes things are just hard and it’s okay to push through that and come out on the other side rather than avoid the hardness?
So much of self-care becomes its own impossible quest for perfection- Perfect skin, perfect mood, perfect life- none of those things are really real. You can decide your own standard for perfect and reach it rather than self-caring yourself into an impossible place that requires more and more and more and more self-care to reach.
Last month, I spent a hefty amount of money on skin care and when my friend finally found vendors that sell the exact brand I love and need, my hands were ready to buy even more skincare. I paused. I’ve been in this cycle before of buying more than I need and then discarding most of it. I only have one face- how do I make what I have work before buying something else? I’ve gone through that same mental space for clothes and even for food. I don’t need more than I can use and if I have too much, I can make room by giving stuff away rather than just adding more stuff.
At the end of the day, there are very few things that are care when you overdo it. It’s easy to look online and feel like everyone in the world is giving in to their every whim but the reality is always more complex. You have to create care that suits your own reality. One that balances out your life. One that makes you feel cared for, offers relief, brings you joy.