Everything You Need To Know About Your First Tattoo

I recently got my first tattoo (well my first two tattoos while on vacation recently. Afterwards, I realised how little I knew about the nuts and bolts of getting tattoos, so I’m doing you the favour and sharing what I learnt in the process.

Cost

Tattoo prices depend on where you are and the size and detail of your tattoo. The artist/studio will tend to cost in advance and finalise things like fonts and designs. The studio I went to measured the area of skin where I wanted the tattoo to go and costed it based on that. Simple word tattoos are on the lowest end of the time and effort scale. Also worth considering throwing in miore than one tattoo in a session to make it cheaper.

Process

After you’ve discussed and finalised design and signed a consent form, a stencil is usually made and applied to the skin (do you remember the temporary tattoos that used to come in lollipops?) to confirm size and placement. The artist shaves the area of skin where the tattoo goes and then the actual ink is applied. The tattoo feels like cutting the skin with a blunt knife, I found it quite painful. However, it’s very very fast, which makes it more bearable. It took about 5 minutes to do my two tattoos.

Aftercare

After the tattoo, a bandage is applied to the tattoo and only needs to be left on for two to three hours. After taking it off, the tattoo and area around it will appear red and swollen, which is completely normal. Wash the tattoo surface and apply ointment. A thin layer of ointment or lotion needs to be applied two to three times day. The goal is to keep the tattoo moisturised (but not overly so) to assist the proper healing of the tattoo. If the skin is left to constantly dry out, it can affect the appearance of it and how it heals. After a day or two, the tattoo will start to scab a little and the colour may appear a little fainter. Just continue to moisturise and let it heal, it will take anything from a few days to two weeks for the scabbing process to stop.

Where did you get it done?

Love Hate Social Club in Notting Hill, London. It cost £180 for both.

Existential Questions

How did you decide what to get? The tattoos resonated with me

What do the tattoos mean? Both are a reminder of my mum. One of the tattoos is her signature, which I recreated to make it more appropriate for a tattoo.

What if you get bored? It is what it is


Dami Around The Web - 4

Hello! Welcome again to various things I’ve found around the web recently. I’ve recently gotten more organised in curating and collecting my links and since I had them in one place already, it would have been mean not to share.

Insecure

First Up is Insecure content! Currently airing is the 5th and final season and Issa and the cast have been on a mega press run. There are so many videos and interviews, it was hard to narrow it down to just these two but I think they both do a good job of capturing the essence of her work as the show’s creators and both focus on the show.

PENNY: Issa said in the writers’ room at one point: “When you’re white, racism is a period. Like, ‘This is wrong, this needs to stop, period.’ But when you’re Black, it’s a comma.” It’s like, this racist thing happened to me, but I still have to go pay bills, still have to drive and go home and see my kids. Yes, this thing happened, but how are you going to deal with it?

Nytimes

Vanity Fair

Why DAO?

You may have heard or seen DAO in passing and wondered what the hell it means. This is a solid and clear explanation!

Big Friendship

Everyone that knows me knows how obsessed I am with talking and reading and everything about friendship. This article by two best friends explains how they prioritised fixing their relationship when stuff went sideways. I read it with longing and wished that in certain lost friendships, I had the opportunity to do the same.

Your Job is Not Your Identity

I think this is one that many people struggle with, including me, so, relatable content.

The Life of Muri

Fuad is a gifted writer who has a way of showing the special in the most mundane things. This essay is a great example.

Black women who have raised over $1,000,000 in 2021

Sometimes you just need an inspirational boost! I hope this is it for you.

Art X 2021- My favourite five

Art X is an annual art fair held in Lagos, showcasing work from artists across Africa. For more information on work that is referenced in this post, visit the Art X website.

I’m not sure if I sound like a corporate brochure because I’ve been writing something formal or if this is just how my brain sounds now. Over the past weekend, I went solo to be with art at this years Art X. The only other time i’ve been in previous versions was to the live show part of the weekend, never to the actual exhibition.

I’ve been trying to define my artist identity so it felt like the perfect time to go and feel inspired. It ended up being a bit too crowded (what I get for going in the last slot of the weekend) and I turned around to a random woman touching my dress. Apparently, she was trying to figure out how to recreate it. I don’t know if you’ve ever had your personal space invaded like that, but it really kind of ruined my day. Luckily, I had already been through most of the exhibition at that point.

Anyway, to the art we go!

Aplerh-Doku Borlabi Exceptional

Aplerh-Doku Borlabi “Exceptional” 2021

This was my favourite piece and artist and where I spent the most time. It strongly reminded me of some of my favourite art that I’ve created. I love the textures , which are even more striking in person, and the colour choices. I feel like there’s a bareness in presenting people (especially faces) in 2D which I love.

Adjei Tawiah “Untitled” 2021

Cecilia Lamptey-Botchway “Adenake and Friend” 2021

Joana Choumali “At Least We Have Each Other” 2021

Norman O’Flynn “Interior of Good and Evil” 2021

Let's Catch Up

It’s been a few months since I’ve been on here. I started off the year doing too damn much and burnt myself out. I’m learning, as I always am, to strip everything away and learn to add things in bit by bit. I don’t always do it well- doing everything at once is infinitely more addictive than being sensible. In the months since I’ve been away, I’ve done a few things worth mentioning.

I designed and produced a planner…

Last year, I decided to try out product design by making a notebook. It went well, so for my next attempt, I decided to go big or go home and make a planner.

whatdamidid planner.gif

I created it at a time when I needed structure in my life, so it was me making something that I wanted to exist. It was a painful and expensive process. I will share the gruesome details of that entire journey soon. In the end, I’m proud of myself and it’s available to purchase. It can ship internationally, but it is expensive. It does ship nationwide (in Nigeria). Start planning here.

I became a buzzfeed contributor

IMG_4768.jpg

I am now writing book related content for buzzfeed. My first piece is here and it’s a quiz based on my favourite genre- romance. The gag is, romance as a book genre has these rules that people live and die by- aka it must have a happily ever after (HEA) or a happily for now (HFN). Basically, as well as the central story being about a love story, the love story has to end with the couple together. Do I think a story can’t be a romance if the couple doesn’t end up together at the end of the book? No. Do I think love should be limited to the couple being together forever? No. Do I understand the need for some happy respite from this stressful world? yes.

I started a Monday Musings series on Instagram

Inspired by one of my favourite actresses, Freema Agyeman, I decided to start a Monday Musings series on Instagram. A way to muse every week and it’s already been seven weeks. More than the posts themselves, I’ve learnt so much from doing these posts.

  1. Intentionality wins every time. I set a clear goal that was very easy for me and I’ve followed through seven times.

  2. Time passes quicker than you think- every week, I’m shocked that another week has passed but without that deliberate time marker, more time would probably pass before it occurred to me.

  3. Little goals always feel too little when you set them, but add up to a lot. If I had decided to start posting on Instagram once a week, I would have convinced myself that didn’t make sense and pushed myself to think “at least 5 times a week” but I noticed that more than once, when I came to post the Monday post, the last post on my feed was from the Monday before. So basically, before I started doing these Monday posts, I would go more than one week without posting, but setting such a small goal would have still scared me. It’s made me more willing to embrace small, very small, very tiny goals.

That’s all for the catch up, now that’s out of the way, we can have some chats!

Dami Around The Web- Week 3

Hello and welcome to another week of me sharing links I came across this week. This week is going to be brief and to the point. As always, headings are hyperlinked. Don’t forget to comment and share.

Bias in Healthcare

Every year or so, there is a headline and a few stories about how racism affects childbirth and chances mortality stats in pregnant women and their babies. What we don’t see as often, is how bias affects every facet of healthcare. This first person account of the effect of medical bias was so infuriating, I don’t know how much work needs to be done to change the system.

Cute Friendship Stories

Female friendships can be so wonderful. I enjoyed these examples of great friendship.

Even more evidence of men being biased against women

Girl boss theory says that if women just acted more like men at work, they would get the same benefits. This article gives a little insight into why that idea is false- and kind of ridiculous.

Evidence of the whole world being biased against female leaders

When women are in positions of power, we hold them to a universally higher standard than men and I don’t like that.

Who is the lead of Judas and the black Messiah?

Very interesting look at award politics. Also, Kate Winslet tried to be the supporting character in “The Reader”??? Come on! It makes me look at awards with a new eye.

Even good partners can be bad

I enjoyed this because someone can transform your life positively and also do something negative. People aren’t just good or bad. This is a perfect example.

A mother that regrets being a mother

This kind of illustrated the thoughtless approach a lot of people take to becoming parents. Society just demands that kids be the next step for every couple without considering what the right choice is for people on an individual level. I hope that we start to examine our choice to be parents, and not just approach it as the next step in life.

Dami Around The Web- Week 2

Can I just say spending all my time online feels better now that I have highlights to share! Without a long ramble intro, let’s get straight to it. All the headings are hyperlinked!

The True story behind I care a lot

Last week, I shared the movie, I care a lot, and a few days after I watched it, I read this 2017 New Yorker article about the real and dangerous world of legal guardianship in America.

Spotify in Nigeria

Spotify in Nigeria.png

Last week, I wrote about Tidal being in Nigeria- this week, I’m here to tell you Spotify has joined the party and is now in Nigeria. The premium monthly plans are N900 a month, but there’s also a free tier (with ads) and you can sign up online. As of now, it looks like only some bank cards work- Access bank being one of them. As I don’t have an Access bank account, I take it as a sign that I only need the free version to listen to podcasts that are exclusive to Spotify.

Vanity Fair Jay-Z interview

Jay Z vanity fair cover.jpg

I like reading profiles. The random details, the length of them. I think done well, they are one of the best kinds of non fiction you can read. This week

On Kim Kardashian’s First Pregnancy

Kim K MET.jpg

This is an article on Kim’s bravery in facing the constant nasty media attention she got when she was pregnant with North. On reflection, this is an example of how deep fatphobia is because all the negative attention boiled down to, “wow she got fat and she’s showing up in the world”. Forget that the pregnancy was dangerous, forget that so much of it was unexpected, forget that it was her first child- the media, and sometimes comments from family and even her internalised voice cared most about the weight gain. It’s really sad.

Social Media trends from January 2021

This was sort of interesting. We are always trying to hack and understand social media and figure out how to maintain attention. I think we kind of do that in real life as well.

8 Nigerian men on why they regret getting married

Another week, another Zikoko post. I have so many thoughts on this, but at the same time, I have almost no thoughts. I found it interesting how many men were resentful of spending money on their kids and I assume, their wife. I think the pressure of financial expectations on men should be a massive reason men get passionate about dismantling the patriarchy but they seem to see that money nugget in complete isolation. I will say this though- if you HATE your wife, do you both a favour and separate from her. It sounds extremely scary for someone to have such strong negative feelings for someone they share a house and bed with and not do anything about it. It sounds like a dangerous situation to me, truthfully.

That’s all for this week!


Ask Dami- Episode 2

Dear Dami,

I started a weekly advice column on my blog to answer questions and dilemmas that people may have. I used some old questions in my first column to give people a chance to see questions answered before committing to sharing their questions and dilemmas. For the next week, I reminded people on social media about asking questions and tried to boost the post as much as possible. I received no questions. As it’s only my second week, do you think I should give up? Or give it a chance?

Thank you.

Embarrassed Blogger.

Dear Embarrassed Blogger,

Well done for starting something new! It is always scary to present oneself as any sort of “expert” on a subject and it’s a brave thing to have put yourself out there like that. Ultimately, you have to remember why you decided to start an advice column. If it’s to give people a space to share and be helped, then allow that to happen naturally. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed that your offer wasn’t taken up just yet. Give it some time and continue to show people that it’s okay to be vulnerable and to show and share that vulnerability, to remind people that they aren’t alone. Well done again and I hope your column eventually picks up steam.

Love, Dami.

Dear Dami,

Every time I’m alone with my thoughts and goals, I feel sure and inspired and I love my work but the moment I share it, I feel silly and can’t help but seek external validation. How do I get to a place where I can maintain that feeling of sureness I have before I share my work?

Chronic self-doubter

Dear Chronic self doubter,

You are not alone. We are constantly listening to the thoughts of hundreds and sometimes, thousands of people very quickly on social media. That’s a lot of noise and some of it is bound to get in your subconscious. On an emotional level, you need to identify the feedback that makes you feel most badly about yourself and figure out why. It may be something that you aspire to, and feel like you cannot achieve and on the other end, it can just be things that trigger bad feelings about yourself. Either way, you need to curate the information you take in and unfollow and block anything that consistently creates negative feelings. That includes removing people from following you on your social media if they only say negative things to you.

On a practical level, use those moments of self assuredness to create as much as possible and schedule things, so that in the moments of self doubt, you don’t have to also create and share on top of those negative feelings.

Keep going. You will find your tribe, it will get easier and your voice will get stronger.

Love, Dami.

To ask any questions, please contact me here

Dami Around the Web- Week 1

I thought it might be fun to share links to things I read, watched and just observed around the internet every week!

The headings of all stories are hyperlinked.

On this week…

Fenty Beauty

Fenty Beauty is now a billion dollar company which means we are never getting an album. I am sad, I am mad, I listened to Anti again and wow, it is so good. So no matter what, at least we have that.

Kanye and Kim split is officially announced

I think about Kanye a lot and how his vulnerability in the world has led to him being clowned, him being discussed, hated and made it possible in the split for everyone to take neat sides. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but he has shown way more of this thoughts and feelings than we ever get to see. Kim has said countless times of the amazing things he has done- the amazing ways he has been a father and a husband. But once the news of the split hit, all I saw was “I’m so happy for Kim” “she put up with a lot”- like yo- relationships can end without one person being to blame for everything.

Zikoko Gen Z vs Millenials

Zikoko Published an article with gen z flaming millennials, which led to a two day twitter flaming of millennials . It was hilarious because no generation has ever thought the generation just before them was cool. It’s literally the circle of life.

I am such a millennial truthfully and I remember when I was a loot younger, one of my aunties said “you couldn’t pay me money to be a teenager again”- I didn’t get it at the time, but now I do. Growing up is hard.

Softlords are the worst

I had literally never thought about the existence of landlords before covid. A lot of harsh capitalism critique comes out of America and I don’t blame them because the capitalism there is the Wild West of capitalism and the critique is often a paradox, but I digress. In the end, I concluded that the critique of landlords, though having some merit on some level, is also misplaced about where the responsibility should lie- with the government. This made me laugh though, because it captures, not just the softlord, but a lot of business owners in the woke era of life- wanting to appear woke and fair, whilst doing the exact same thing they criticise.

Covid has stolen my identity

Covid has gone on forever and as someone that has erred on “safe than sorry” and more or less stayed inside for the best part of a year, my identity is in flux and this captured a bit of that. Although this ends on a hopeful note, for me, I’m still there and probably would be until the vaccine kicks in and life’s motions begin again.

Journey from working in a Nigerian supermarket to earning $200,000 a year

I think this was an interesting story because it captured just moving through life when your goal is just to keep surviving vs when you have the luxury of a pre-determined path. The mother was also super interesting and I think that kind of thing happens more than we like to admit- a parent feeling slighted by their child’s relationship with another parental figure and how the closeness is often explained by dark magic. It’s a topic for deep exploration.

I Care A Lot

The premise of this movie was scary as hell. A legal guardian exploiting her wards and even though the plot veered off point, I wish that’s where the story stayed. I think a difference between American and say, British cinema is that Americans are unwilling to explore difficult subjects in a sober way. They always veer off topic to keep it entertaining and while that is fun sometimes, it’s worrying when the villain is always a complex character and the victims aren’t ever given voices. It seems like a dramatic thing to say, but entertainment, especially tv, is probably one of the biggest tools for shaping subconscious bias in people, because on some level we start to think of it as reflecting real life. There’s a reason why military invests in movies in America and theres’s a reason why before social media was as deep as it is now, we all believed the hype of America being the most amazing and developed place in the world.

In this movie, there’s another very attractive, super smart, super powerful villain who is opportunistic but also capable of love and friendship. Where is the story of the actual lives of regular people whose only crime was being old. It really is scary and it’s not just an American thing. Old people are often marginalised, not just by society, but by families. Even though they are whole people with whole lives and thoughts and feelings, they aren’t treated like that. In this movie, old is as young as 69. Bruh.

Anyway, it was an entertaining movie and Rosamund Pike is born to play these roles (Gone Girl, I Care A Lot)

Speaking of movies on Netflix, I’ve been watching a lot of old romcoms and wow, the genre has really fallen off. I now remember why that was always my favourite genre. Funny, comforting, great acting, good chemistry between the cast, plus there was always a secondary plot about the importance of friendship, which was also nice. I think I’m just going to keep watching as many of them as I can.

Tidal in Nigeria

Did you know Tidal is now in Nigeria? With their MTN partnership, you can get it really cheap, although it didn’t work for me when I tried to register. I registered on the Tidal web page and it’s $2 a month! what??

Thirty Plus Podcast

I launched my new podcast called Thirty Plus, which is really a rebrand of my previous podcast which had no clear direction. I just want a space to talk about the reality of “being a grown up” without necessarily having the markers or confidence or knowledge about how to navigate that space.

Why Did I Leave Google?

This was an interesting “expectation” vs “reality” piece by Waze co-founder about the reality of life at google after your company is acquired. Being bought out by a tech giant is a dream for many in this day and time, and it was nice to read firsthand experience.

Gemma K’s Perfectly Perfect Love Life

I loved this. It gave me the nostalgic feeling of watching YouTube web series back in the day. I love and respect creatives for taking their careers and opportunities into their own hands and having the confidence to put their work out there, without the validation of an industry giant. I hope this blows up and leads to a great career.

Wow, this has been longer than I expected and I’m going to have to save anything else for next week! Please share interesting things with me in the comments!



Ask Dami- Episode 1

Hello, Hello, Hello!

A few weeks ago, I announced on instagram that I was going to start an Ask Dami advice column to be posted weekly, on Fridays. In true life fashion, I promptly carried on with my life without doing what I said and finally, I decided to just do it! In this first instalment, I will be using questions I got on an Instagram stories question box when I asked “Ask Me About Marriage”.

Is it Normal to want alone time away from your partner?

Absolutely. Marriage doesn’t stop you from being an individual and it is natural as an individual to want space and alone time. If you’re at a point where your partner’s desire for space makes you feel de-prioritised or you only ever want space, then that may become a cause for concern.

Is it normal for someone who’s getting married to be in contact with ex’s parents?

Sometimes the relationships created through romantic relationships outlast the romantic relationships themselves. It really depends on what the relationship is and why it exists. The discomfort shouldn’t come solely from the fact that it’s the ex’s parents- really take time to figure out what exactly makes you comfortable about the actual relationship beyond the idea of it and then discuss that with your partner.

is it true that the most sex you’ll have is when you’re dating?

You will always have as much sex as you both want and are able to have. Obviously, lots of things affect how much sex you are able to have- desire, hormones, life. The thing that matters most in a romantic relationship is intimacy and that’s for every couple to define for themselves. Intimacy may be cuddling on the sofa every night or going to bed at the same time so you can catch up on each other’s days without distraction. Prioritise intimacy and let sex fall where it falls.

what would you never compromise in a relationship

I would never compromise by being with someone that needs me to be someone else. I think someone being fully accepting of you as an individual is a necessary first step for a healthy relationship.

what do you wish you knew before marriage

That expectations of your partner will change. If you don’t anticipate that, it may come as a shock. No matter how in control of your conscious you are, your subsconscious has its own ideas about marriage that you won’t be aware of until you actually get married. If you’re aware of that beforehand, you can recognise whether those expectations actually fit into your relationship or if they are just things you’ve been taught to want. You can also recognise those things in your partner and work together to adjust them for your actual relationship.

how do you and your husband fight and do you think you fight well?

I think we fight worse now that we did at the start of our relationship when we were poster kids for “fighting well”- very thoughtful, considerate and aimed at resolution. A lot of the time now, we are fighting fights we’ve fought before and will fight again, because we know each other so well and also know that the outcome of the fight has no consequences, so don’t really fight for resolution in the same way.

Our fights now sometimes can be unfair, because when there’s a way in which you’re different or there’s something you don’t agree on, it can be frustrating because you’re supposed to be partners. Ultimately, the fight is temporary, we acknowledge any way in which the other person was unfair and we move on from the fight, even though we haven’t necessarily reached a resolution on the underlying issue, because sometimes, there just isn’t a resolution and we live to fight another day.

To get answers on your pressing life questions answered in a future column, please email or DM me . All questions will be confidential by default.

Apple Fitness Plus Review

The fitness plus announcement was super exciting to me because I’m an apple fan through and through and I’m always excited to go further into the eco system. I liked the idea of a fitness app that would integrate automatically with my watch, show me my workout stats in real time and automatically track my workouts. The fact that it costs £9.99 / $9.99 a month as well put my expectations sky high. For 9.99 every month, I expected…the world and got…well…not that.

IMG_2174.PNG

When you first Use the app, it has to find your watch (obviously)

It couldn’t find mine because my watch OS wasn’t up to date, so I had to update it and try again

I signed up for a free trial and got ready for my first workout. First of all the studio set up was very jarring - maybe I’m used to cleaner aesthetics for workouts and considering that this an Apple product, I would have expected that from them. Instead, there was a brick wall in a dark room with disco lights. I decided to try a dance class. I’m not sure why because dance classes are really not my workout jam and I’m wildly unco-ordinated on the best of days, but I just wanted something easy. It was fun to see my stats on screen for the first few minutes but after a while, I was like meh. Because the workout wasn’t engaging enough for me, looking at my stats just made me clock watch. In the middle of the workout, I switched the timer to show me how much time I had spent instead of how much time I had left, which helped a little. I started the workout from the fitness plus app and it did track automatically which was good. 

I did a strength workout as well and again- it wasn’t the best workout I’ve done. 

IMG_2175.png

The next day, I went on the app and repeatedly got an error message. My lack of enthusiasm about the app from the day before made me give up on it and that was the end of my fitness plus journey.

The Plus

It integrates with your Apple Watch and has machine options like treadmill and bike workouts. 

The minus

It’s expensive. For a much lower monthly fee, you can sign up for YouTube premium, get YouTube music for free with that and download or stream a muuuuch wider range of workouts.

The quality of the workouts aren’t great. I only tried two workouts and new workouts are constantly getting added, so this opinion was formed off the back of those two workouts.

Have you tried fitness plus or are you thinking of trying it?

Happy New Year

I had an entirely different post written and planned out, but in the spirit of the new year, I decided to just open up a new post and free write. It’s been an interesting couple of months. On the 2nd of December, 2020, I launched a product. A notebook which one of my prints that I absolutely love. It was a very Nike moment- just do it. I put it up on instagram and twitter and dropped my phone like a hot potato. My plan was to give it one or two days and then post the launch on my blog and then another one or two days and then start messaging family and friends directly. I sold out in 30 hours. And cried.

As a society, we place a lot of emphasis on intention. I think we give intention and action the same weight of emotion. It’s why someone can say “I was going to do this for you” and be met with a feeling of warmth. It’s why we let people off for terrible things because they “feel guilty”. For the purposes of this post, it’s why the idea of doing something is matched with as much excitement as doing the thing itself.

We’ve all done it. Thought of an idea that was so great, so brilliant and execution was the less important part. We’ve been met with excitement for that idea - “wow, great mind, great idea, great intention”. But then what happens next?

I’ve wanted to sell my digital art for years. I had vague notions of a website and the sort of stuff I wanted my prints to go on. In the end, there was nothing glamorous about my launch. It was a lined notebook sold through DMs. It was an action, so it mattered more than all the thoughts I’d had in my head.

So, next- we rinse, we repeat. We think, then we execute.

Something I’ve struggled with for a long time- my whole life really, is accepting my gifts. I feel like I always sought out struggle because I felt like success and life in general had to have struggle to it. What I didn’t realise was that, even when you’re gifted at something, there’s still struggle in the consistency of it. I wish I accepted earlier that I am a talented writer, editor, communicator, artist, designer- that I am great at helping other people succeed . Even as I type this as a sort of “in your face” to my fear, there’s a niggling doubt in my mind. Am I, in fact, talented?

The thing is, I don’t think it matters. I can re-characterise that to “I love to write, to edit, to communicate, to create art, to design- to help other people succeed. That, is just as valid.

Just as we praise intention, we praise talent. What I love, what I admire, what everyone I’m a fan of has in common- they work. They show up, they are consistent. The thing is, not everyone can have talent- like beauty, like luck- it’s not distributed evenly. But work? Consistency? More people can do that.

So welcome to another year that can be just like the last or completely different. Some part of that shift, is up to you. Your life can look COMPLETELY different in a year, but you have to show up for that change.