Dear Dami,
I started a weekly advice column on my blog to answer questions and dilemmas that people may have. I used some old questions in my first column to give people a chance to see questions answered before committing to sharing their questions and dilemmas. For the next week, I reminded people on social media about asking questions and tried to boost the post as much as possible. I received no questions. As it’s only my second week, do you think I should give up? Or give it a chance?
Thank you.
Embarrassed Blogger.
Dear Embarrassed Blogger,
Well done for starting something new! It is always scary to present oneself as any sort of “expert” on a subject and it’s a brave thing to have put yourself out there like that. Ultimately, you have to remember why you decided to start an advice column. If it’s to give people a space to share and be helped, then allow that to happen naturally. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed that your offer wasn’t taken up just yet. Give it some time and continue to show people that it’s okay to be vulnerable and to show and share that vulnerability, to remind people that they aren’t alone. Well done again and I hope your column eventually picks up steam.
Love, Dami.
Dear Dami,
Every time I’m alone with my thoughts and goals, I feel sure and inspired and I love my work but the moment I share it, I feel silly and can’t help but seek external validation. How do I get to a place where I can maintain that feeling of sureness I have before I share my work?
Chronic self-doubter
Dear Chronic self doubter,
You are not alone. We are constantly listening to the thoughts of hundreds and sometimes, thousands of people very quickly on social media. That’s a lot of noise and some of it is bound to get in your subconscious. On an emotional level, you need to identify the feedback that makes you feel most badly about yourself and figure out why. It may be something that you aspire to, and feel like you cannot achieve and on the other end, it can just be things that trigger bad feelings about yourself. Either way, you need to curate the information you take in and unfollow and block anything that consistently creates negative feelings. That includes removing people from following you on your social media if they only say negative things to you.
On a practical level, use those moments of self assuredness to create as much as possible and schedule things, so that in the moments of self doubt, you don’t have to also create and share on top of those negative feelings.
Keep going. You will find your tribe, it will get easier and your voice will get stronger.
Love, Dami.
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