Hello, Hello, Hello!
A few weeks ago, I announced on instagram that I was going to start an Ask Dami advice column to be posted weekly, on Fridays. In true life fashion, I promptly carried on with my life without doing what I said and finally, I decided to just do it! In this first instalment, I will be using questions I got on an Instagram stories question box when I asked “Ask Me About Marriage”.
Is it Normal to want alone time away from your partner?
Absolutely. Marriage doesn’t stop you from being an individual and it is natural as an individual to want space and alone time. If you’re at a point where your partner’s desire for space makes you feel de-prioritised or you only ever want space, then that may become a cause for concern.
Is it normal for someone who’s getting married to be in contact with ex’s parents?
Sometimes the relationships created through romantic relationships outlast the romantic relationships themselves. It really depends on what the relationship is and why it exists. The discomfort shouldn’t come solely from the fact that it’s the ex’s parents- really take time to figure out what exactly makes you comfortable about the actual relationship beyond the idea of it and then discuss that with your partner.
is it true that the most sex you’ll have is when you’re dating?
You will always have as much sex as you both want and are able to have. Obviously, lots of things affect how much sex you are able to have- desire, hormones, life. The thing that matters most in a romantic relationship is intimacy and that’s for every couple to define for themselves. Intimacy may be cuddling on the sofa every night or going to bed at the same time so you can catch up on each other’s days without distraction. Prioritise intimacy and let sex fall where it falls.
what would you never compromise in a relationship
I would never compromise by being with someone that needs me to be someone else. I think someone being fully accepting of you as an individual is a necessary first step for a healthy relationship.
what do you wish you knew before marriage
That expectations of your partner will change. If you don’t anticipate that, it may come as a shock. No matter how in control of your conscious you are, your subsconscious has its own ideas about marriage that you won’t be aware of until you actually get married. If you’re aware of that beforehand, you can recognise whether those expectations actually fit into your relationship or if they are just things you’ve been taught to want. You can also recognise those things in your partner and work together to adjust them for your actual relationship.
how do you and your husband fight and do you think you fight well?
I think we fight worse now that we did at the start of our relationship when we were poster kids for “fighting well”- very thoughtful, considerate and aimed at resolution. A lot of the time now, we are fighting fights we’ve fought before and will fight again, because we know each other so well and also know that the outcome of the fight has no consequences, so don’t really fight for resolution in the same way.
Our fights now sometimes can be unfair, because when there’s a way in which you’re different or there’s something you don’t agree on, it can be frustrating because you’re supposed to be partners. Ultimately, the fight is temporary, we acknowledge any way in which the other person was unfair and we move on from the fight, even though we haven’t necessarily reached a resolution on the underlying issue, because sometimes, there just isn’t a resolution and we live to fight another day.
To get answers on your pressing life questions answered in a future column, please email or DM me . All questions will be confidential by default.