If you watch Insecure, you know that the central plot of season 4 so far has been the gradual destruction of Issa and Molly’s friendship. One passive aggressive comment at a time, their friendship is getting shredded and we have 5 episodes to find out if it can be fixed.
As the arguments for each side fly back and forth on social media every week, I find myself asking the question- how much honesty is too much honesty in a friendship and is it always kind?
As people make their case for who is wrong (it’s Molly, I refuse to argue)- what is increasingly clear is that the standard of perfection to which friendship is held is an impossible standard. The occasional “harsh truth” tends to be accepted in romantic relationships but can’t seem to be the case for friendship. Is your friendship always positive, with long ways to get to the truth of the matter? basically, are we saints? and do we expect our friends to be saints?
I for one believe that some truths are harsh, not because of the way they are told, but because they are in themselves harsh truths. I don’t feel like there’s ever any reason to hurt your friend on purpose, but I believe that in developing conversational short cuts with your friend, some of those short cuts will hurt. Of course, if your friend hurts you, they should be willing to listen to your perspective, even though the hurt wasn’t their intention.
I don’t know where the line is honestly, I think every friendship needs to define it for itself. I do think if we start to relate to our friends the way we relate to our romantic partners, we might be more willing to forgive and be kinder in understanding where the other person is coming from. A “you can do better” from a friend can sound violent if you’re not ready to hear it, no matter how they say it, but if that’s your friend and they have the best intentions, even the hardest truths can be turned around.