What I've Been Watching Lately

I wonder if this situation is going to change production of tv shows and if there’s going to be more of a shift towards shooting entire seasons at once vs continually throughout the season. I’m still mourning the way New Amsterdam had to end this season and I hope that next season can bridge the gap.

Anyway, thanks to streaming services, there is still a lot of new content. Whether you’ll be able to focus long enough to get through anything is another matter entirely. Here is some stuff I’ve watched recently.

Trying(TV)

I thought this was based on the book of the same name and plot but apparently, it’s not? It’s about a couple that can’t conceive trying to adopt. It’s a really good watch, showing the growth of a couple and their friends.

Upload (TV)

Basically, before you die, you can choose to upload your consciousness to another world in the cloud, where you basically get to live forever (as long as you can pay for it). I didn’t expect much from it but it ended up being a fun watch, striking a good balance between funny and thoughtful. Looking forward to another season. This show is on Amazon prime.

Never Have I Ever (TV)

A teenage girl trying to throw herself into school popularity after losing her father. It was a strangely emotional show, that was also fun to watch. It was a different kind of high school tv show and I really enjoyed that.

The Half of It (Movie)

This movie is about a high school girl who gets extra cash by charging to write people’s essays until she’s asked to write a letter instead. It’s a story about friendship, which I loved.

Insecure(TV)

I’m sure you know what Insecure is already. I am loving it this season, especially the analysis and projections that everyone puts on it. Somehow the dynamics in the friendships and relationships are familiar to us all.

The Baker and the Beauty(TV)

I stopped in season 2 to confirm my suspicion that this show was created and written by a man, and I was right. It’s about a man who gets proposed to by his long term girlfriend and after he says no, gets invited out by a billionaire superstar, which begins their love story. And obviously, he’s a baker. The “beauty” and the “baker” are characters that are written exactly as you’d expect- the purest souls in the world who just happen to randomly connect. It’s kind of terrible but there’s a pandemic, so I watch it anyway.

Katy Keene(TV)

This is another one I would have dropped by now if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic. Katy Keene is trying to make it in fashion in NY and that is my favourite kind of plot, but the whole thing somehow doesn’t connect. The cinematography is dark and kind of yellow, which makes watching it kind of tiring.

The Photograph (Movie)

This finally came out on digital release and I was happy to finally see it, since I never got to see it in cinema. The plot could have been better developed but it was overall an easy fun watch. I enjoyed Issa’s style and hair- this was the first time I’ve seen her playing a wealthy character and she did not disappoint, that hair was laid! And this clothes fit perfectly.

What have you been watching lately? What do you recommend?

Lockdown Journal- Episode 2

I am over cooking. I’m over baking. I’m over food in general. What started out as the highlight of lockdown has now devolved into something tiring. I don’t want to cook, and I don’t want to eat. My husband started working from home on March 16 and since then we’ve been out three times for less than 30 minutes each time to buy groceries. I’ve been in the house coming up to 2 months and while I feel really grateful that I have the opportunity to stay home, two months of being in the house is…a lot. 

 I’ve baked – two banana loaves, 1 set of carrot cake muffins, 2 sets of banana loaf muffins, 1 set of regular muffins, 1 set of scones, 2 brownies, 1 chocolate cake, 1 ginger loaf, 2 sets of flatbread, one loaf of bread, 4 sets of cookies and that’s just baking. I haven’t even started on cooking. I gave up drinking alcohol after the second or third week with one or two exceptions because drinking at home just stopped being fun. After eating two boxes of snacks, I decided to give up snacking as well- largely because I’m just tired of FOOD!

 I’ve been trying to finish my book edits and I’m telling you; writing is the fun part. Reading back on what you’ve written, especially when it’s a whole book, is hard. Plus, my reading in general has fallen off, it’s hard to get my mind to focus on blocks of text at a time. I feel like my mind is constantly racing and I’m finding it hard to keep up, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I’m in the middle of some thought and I’m thinking, why am I thinking right now?

Final Cut Pro is free for three months (google Final Cut Pro free trial). Video editing has never seemed like my jam, but when something that’s usually expensive is free for a good length of time, it feels foolish to pass it up, so I’ve added learning how to edit with Final Cut Pro into my rolodex.

I didn’t think I could realise things further after spending a year in the deep realisation of things pre-lockdown, but lockdown is really surprising me and I am indeed, realising things. I have worked through things that I have been trying to work through for years, in weeks. What’s that about? It feels random and temporary because is it possible for things to just click in your brain in weeks when they haven’t clicked for years?

 I am definitely not bored, so that’s great. I am trying to maintain a routine and eat like an adult (more fruit, more veg, more protein). Some days are better than others. I am researching articles I have been meaning to write for years and showering every day. Somehow, I have been seeing that my work has more value than I have ever been willing to admit. I have grown past doing things half-heartedly. I either do them properly, or I don’t do them at all. When I choose not to do them, I’m kind to myself and I’m not trapped in guilt about it. Kindness to myself has allowed me to be kinder to others, and in being kinder to others, I’m able to self-reflect through their eyes. 

In areas where I have balked in the past at taking criticism, I am not more willing to understand where it comes from. I know exactly what my goal is for everything I’m doing. I know for me, this space is to build my community and I’m so excited about every comment, every DM, every @, every email. It means everything when people give feedback, and it tells me that I’m closer to the community of my dreams, one that isn’t just between me and you, but all of us together. 

Look at me on day 4 guy! Are you enjoying the daily blog posts? I know I am! What do you think? Can we go a bit longer on these posts?

A Case for Jealousy

Jealousy. It gets a bad rep. If I was Jealousy, I would hire a PR agency and overhaul my reputation, you know like when people started saying “I’m so jel”.

I’m using Jealousy to cover both Jealousy and envy. I think the popular distinction is that jealousy is fear of someone taking something that you have and envy is wanting what someone else has. Both are frequently used interchangeably so I don’t want to worry too much about semantics.

Raise your hands if you’ve ever said “I’m not a jealous person”. Like many other things in life, Jealousy has been reduced to the feeling you have about your romantic partner’s relationship with someone else. It is also used a lot in Nigerian films to set the tone for someone to poison someone else. Basically, it’s the basis of a lot of negative actions.

I think this is unfair. We’ve used the extreme to define the entire emotion, when an extreme of any emotion is negative. At it’s core, jealousy points to something you want, or something you wish you had. That in itself isn’t negative, it can be a catalyst to work on dealing with that desire, because you more than likely didn’t know it existed.

Say you’ve been trying to decide what to do for a career and you still feel like “I have no talents or interests” and then you find yourself repeatedly feeling envious of people with careers in accounting, you should look into that. Say you find yourself jealous everytime your partner is laughing a lot in conversation with someone else, then you probably feel like they don’t find you funny and it bothers you. Jealousy is an emotion, and like most emotions, there’s a source. It becomes negative when you ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist. You miss your chance to really confront whatever it has shown you.

We all feel jealous or envious- every one of us- even the people that say “I’m always content and I never care about what anyone else has or may be doing”- be that as it may- we all feel the emotion. If you accept that it’s natural, you will become more attuned to whatever it’s showing you. My jealousy has always shown me my deeper desires and forced me to confront it. Absence of jealousy always shows me what I don’t want- it also shows that I’m secure in that area of my life.

I hope I have convinced and not confused you that jealousy as an emotion isn’t necessarily bad.

The Five Books I Read in April 2020

I’m surprised I even read 5 books in April- honestly, it felt more like 2. There was a night I woke up at 2am and couldn’t get back to sleep at 5am and I just read and that was the most focused reading I did the whole month. I don’t know what it is about daytime reading that’s so distracting in a way that it isn’t at night? That’s something to think about another day!

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It’s Not all Downhill From Here- Terry McMillan

Terry McMillan of Waiting to Exhale and How Stella Got Her Groove back fame came out with a new book and even though I hadn’t actually read any of the 11 or so books she has, I jumped at this one. First of all, I don’t think I’m the correct audience for the book- she’s 68 and writing about 68 year olds living their best lives! But it was an easy read and I enjoyed getting a different perspective.

New Waves-Kevin Nguyen

This is a book about two unlikely friends in tech who steal data from the company they work for. When one of them dies, the other is faced with the reality that he didn’t really know his friend.

This is one of those books where the book is the prose and the plot is secondary. If you’ve read Sally Rooney for example, it’s the same sort of “day to day” writing style. It was alright, another easy read, but if you like plots more than prose, this isn’t for you.

Anna K: A Love Story- Jenny Lee

Only after I finished this, did I realise it was a retelling of Anna Karenina (which I never read). It’s kind of in that crazy rich asian style- wealthy teenagers and their antics. It was entertaining at times, but sometimes I skipped over the detailed descriptions of expensive things. Some parts of the story made absolutely no sense to me, but I guess the fact that it’s a retelling puts it in context and some storylines had to bend to fit the original story.

The Switch- Beth O’Leary

I really enjoyed Beth O’ Leary’s debut so I was excited to read this and I wasn’t disappointed. It’s the story of a burnt out consultant living in London and dealing with the grief of losing her sister and her grandma who is finding her stride after a divorce deciding to switch places for a month. It’s very wholesome and enjoyable, with the grandma bring the London neighbours closer together and rediscovering parts of herself and the consultant finally dealing with the grief of losing her sister.

Clap when you Land- Elizabeth Acevedo

After a plane crash, the secret of a man having two families is out and the families have to deal with his secret.

For some reason, because of the way it was written in verse, it was very hard for me to get into. The book is told from the perspective of his two daughters and I kept losing which daughter was which, I don’t think their voices were distinctive enough, at least at the beginning. It was good, but I didn’t leave it feeling like I really knew any of the characters.

Is this a Lockdown Journal or a goals update post? Let's call it a Lockdown Journal- Number One

May! Isn’t it crazy how time passes no matter what else is going on? When I was looking forward to this year in December and setting my goals in January, I could never have seen this pandemic coming- no-one could have. Now, it feels like we’ve been here forever with no real end in sight. When this started, I wrote some posts that I thought would be helpful like a pandemic shopping list, dealing with anxiety and maintaining productivity. As time started to pass, living day to day became easier mentally. One thing I wanted to do was journal, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it (I still haven’t started journalling even though I’ve put aside a brand new notebook for the cause).

As April ended, I started to look through my old journals starting from 2013 and one thing that struck me was how easy it is to carry the same goals for so long without realising it. I did this at the start of the year but in light of recent times, I felt the need to revisit. I came away feeling like goals are temporary and flexible things. Life isn’t guaranteed, so there’s no point constantly looking ahead to a hypothetical future at the detriment of the present. I decided to take on the goals that were still relevant and get rid of the ones that weren’t. I can always come back to them if they are useful in the future, but anything I can’t work towards now has been tossed out.

So goal update- If you are a frequent blog reader, you’d know that I set out a list of goals for the year in January and gave a February update. Now, I’m going to revisit those goals and talk about new goals going forward.

Health And Fitness

Over the years, I’ve had so many “fitness goals” that boiled down to one thing- lose weight. For the first time in my life, I’m going to do something that feels insane to me- not diet- at all- not once this whole year. I’ve gone on 100s of diets since I was a teenager and it’s just not something I’m interested in doing anymore. So my goals for health and fitness are really about health and fitness for a change and not an euphemism for weight loss.

I’m glad that I’m mentally still in this space where I’m chasing holistic goals.

Run a 10k and a half marathon- cancelled.

Walking – I’ve started doing Leslie Sansone walking workouts. I feel like I’m 30 years older when I do them but they are fun and a way to keep walking without going outside.

Learn how to do a push up- cancelled.

Get a full health work up- This pandemic has shown just how important this is and I can’t wait to get this done as soon as I can when outside opens up again

Eat more protein- this is such a daily struggle, as I type this, the new protein powder I ordered is on its way.

Career

I think I’ve always underestimated how much of my life I actually control and continually waited for outside feedback, but this is an area I’m taking more control over.

Love

Work on giving with no expectations- I’m getting better at this for sure.

Grow stronger friendship and family bonds- I think I’ve definitely stopped chasing ideas of relationships and started focusing more on developing the relationships I have.

Give gifts- bruh I should surprise someone with lunch or something.

Say Yes To Attending Things

There’s nothing to attend, stay indoors!

Get Rid Of As Much Clutter As I Can

I’m just choosing to be kind and patient with myself in this area because hmmm.

The Present

Okay so that brings us here to May 2020, in line with the new realities of life. One thing I saw that I wanted to do in an old journal is a year of monthly challenges. I think monthly challenges are good because they interrupt the voice that tells you that you should stop what you’re doing and try something else. For people that have problems with follow through, this tends to be the problem. For example, you decide to walk everyday for an hour and on day 9, you’re like “hmm this is boring, why don’t I try running 5km everyday instead”. It means that you never commit to anything and never really have a “finished product”. Monthly challenges are good because you usually get past the phase where you want to give in to your whims and can set you on the path to consistency.

I’m starting this month with three main challenges. Now, the reason I’m doing 3 is because I’ve already been consistent with two of the three goals for a while and I want to continue.

drumroll please

The three challenges are

1. Blogging everyday

2. 18:6 Intermittent fasting

3. Leslie Sansone walking workout

I’ve set myself the challenge to blog everyday lots of times but I’ve never once actually done it. The closest I came was late last year and it set me on a path of fairly consistent blogging. This time, I believe I’m in the head space to follow through and I’m looking forward to doing it! I hope you’re excited too :)

I’ve been intermittent fasting for a while- starting from 13:11 and kind of working my way up. I was always reluctant to commit to a set time frame because I didn’t want it to get extreme but after a while, I decided to just do it. Now, doing it as a 31 day challenge is going to take it even further and I’m kind of excited about that.

Leslie Sansone walking workout - walking is the low impact home workout of my dreams and I would like to commit to it. I think if you’re home all day, it’s important to commit to moving your body everyday for part of the day and this is the way I’m choosing to do it. It might sound excessive to work out everyday but that’s why it’s a challenge, no?

I really wanted to say so much more, but this post is over 1000 words long now, so I’ll save some words for the remaining 30 days of the challenge.

Let me know how you guys have started thinking of goals going forward

Also, follow me on socials! Instagram and twitter.

The Nine Books I Read in March 2020

Blitzed- Alexa Martin

This is a book that had been on my TBR for a long time after reading Alexa Martin’s first two books. She writes books in the football (American) universe, so characters are usually a football player and a woman. This followed the same format in that regards. The man was a footballer and the woman was a bar owner in the same ecosystem as the characters in the first two books. I really found it hard to get engaged because the story wasn’t very engaging to me, especially compared to the first two books (and particularly the first). I didn’t buy into the love story and the male protagonist raised a lot of red flags that were brushed under the carpet and maybe I’m just too old to find stuff like that romantic. The story just dragged and dragged and it felt a bit like it was written because it had to be? Not like the author really connected with the story. There’s a new instalment coming later this year and I’m still going to read it because, black love.

Some of the links are affiliate- if you purchase using the links, it won’t affect your shopping experience, but I may earn a small commission.

Sick Bay- Nova Weetman

This book is about two girls who often end up in the school sick bay and become friends. It’s a middle grade book and it’s really cute, even when dealing with some weighty issues. It’s also one of the few times i’ve read an Australian author.

Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now- Dana L. Davis

I read this during the peak of my covid anxiety and managed to stay engaged. Tiffany has to go and live with her dad that she finds out about after her mum dies. Just before she leaves, another man shows up that could also be her dad. Before she can find out for sure in a week, she has to try and settle into a new life that may or may not be permanent. I’m often not a fan of books set in a rigid time frame as the plot can get long winded, but this really worked. The characters were flawed and interesting and it was really engaging. Recommend!

The Unhoneymooners- Christina Lauren

This is one I had in my library for ages and finally decided to read and I’m glad because it was really fun. When A bride and groom are unable to go on their honeymoon, her twin sister and his brother have to step in to take their place. They spend the honeymoon falling in love until (obviously) disaster strikes. You have to read the rest in the story.

When You Were Everything- Ashley Woodfolk

This is a book that details the end of a friendship going between now and then. It reminds me a lot of one of my top books from last year, but is also a great book in it’s own right. I love books about friendships ending because it’s always so subtle and complex. Sigh.

Last Couple Standing- Matthew Norman

When three couples in a four couple friendship group get divorced, the last couple is feeling the pressure and decide to open their relationship in order to save it. What could go wrong? I really enjoyed this one because it looked at marriage, relationships and ageing in a realistic way, but it all wasn’t too heavy. I really enjoyed it.

The Nearness of You- Sareeta Domingo

This really annoyed me to be honest. I only bought it because a really big book club recommended it as like a MUST READ and was like “if you love Cameron and Lauren’s relationship, you’ll love this”. Firstly, I don’t care about Cameron and Lauren’s relationship one way or the other but I bring it up to say that it is NOTHING like Cameron and Lauren’s relationship and secondly, Cameron and Lauren are the most successful couple from Love is Blind. This is a book about a women who meets a man briefly in a cinema and then some amount of time later, he turns up as her best friend’s boyfriend and then roommate. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that they fall in love (obviously while trying not to cross any lines). Lol. Yeah, no.

Good-bye, Perfect

When Eden’s best friend runs away with her boyfriend, who turns out to be a teacher, she keeps her secret. As police get involved and parents get more and more worried, she starts to wonder if she made the right call. The book focuses on Eden protecting her friend, rather than the relationship between teacher and minor which I think made the plot stronger. Really good read.

My Dark Vanessa- Kate Elizabeth Russell

This is really hard to review. It’s a fictional book about a girl who gets into a relationship with her teacher when she’s 15 (aka is groomed and molested) and then is forced to question that relationship in her 30s when it surfaces that he did it to someone else. Abuse is a very hard subject to write about especially in fiction and I don’t know how successful this was in doing that, which for me feels hard to say because it’s such a weighty subject but it’s also fiction. I have to ask myself, what was the author’s intention? Because I don’t know. It left me with a taste in my mouth, I can’t explain it. I don’t feel like the main character was written as a whole person but maybe that was the author’s intention.

JUST BECAUSE THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S ENDING OR IT'S OKAY TO BE PRODUCTIVE DURING A PANDEMIC

Here’s the thing.

The world will tell you that it’s okay to take a break- it’s okay to not achieve anything during this pandemic and all that other stuff, guess what?

 There’s a difference between what should and what is. 

I think the more there has been a move towards some level of vulnerability and transparency, what we lose is the honesty that as much as we may want to exist in ideal versions of events, real life will always win. 

Real life measures you and judges you off your productivity. You have to care about yourself enough to not let those judgments define you but you cannot pretend they don’t exist. I have tried to live in the idea that being me exactly how I want to be doesn’t come with consequences, but it does.

 If all your self care does is makes it harder for you to return to a real life, is it self care?

And I don’t say this as tough love. This is not me yelling at you to not spend the whole day in bed. You can if you want to. This is about weighing up all the information available and doing what works best for you. Your life is not a meme or an Instagram post. Truth doesn’t fit neatly in 280 characters. It’s messier and more complex than that. You know that. Therefore, you know that this time isn’t just going to exist and disappear.

I’m inspired to write this because I have seen one too many judgments of people still maintaining fitness or work routines. I have to admit, at the start I was in that camp, reposting images of “it’s okay if you don’t write a bestseller” etc. I still agree that you don’t have to write a bestseller, because for most people that would still be a privilege to do at a time like this, because people are still having to work, to parent, to care for family members. Domestic abuse is on the rise, people are losing their jobs and there’s a lot of people dealing with quite hefty consequences of this pandemic. Working out, or doing a hobby you like, or writing, or cooking or doing a course you’ve been wanting to do, those are privileged things. Do them if you can. If cooking more at home means you’re able to eat less processed food, this is a great time. I think sometimes, we are so conditioned to think that anything productive is automatically bad. What is bad is feeling like your life doesn’t have value beyond pointless productivity and maybe this is the time for you to be productive in ways that you can define for yourself, in ways that aren’t tied to making money.

It’s okay to do what works for you.

Here's Where To Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode

I’m sure someone reading this had no idea before right now, that I have a podcast! Surprise! I haven’t quite gotten into the flow of recording and releasing and getting used to me just droning on for a lot of minutes, so it’s not the hallmark of consistency at the moment. However, some people reached out to me after I wrote 30 Things I Learnt From 30 asking if I could expand on each point and it just seemed more appropriate as a podcast (truthfully, it seemed more appropriate as a video but baby steps).

My podcast is called Plenty Spoilers because I was initially just going to review stuff in detail. I changed my mind about that but I kept the name, because you know, it’s still spoilers, just like, about my life instead of fiction (also, sometimes about fiction).

It’s available practically everywhere podcasts are available, but for an accurate list, go here.

Self made - a C.J Walker story or a story of how the more things change, the more things stay the same

As I watched Octavia Butler’s amazing acting, some things started to occur to me. Why is this story, set in 1913 still so relevant 100 years later? Here are some of my observations

(I know Netflix took some liberties with the script and the series isn’t a completely accurate picture of everything that happened)

Dark skinned women have always been expected to stay in their place- I don’t know if I even need to explain this further, but we see this even now, how people are constantly threatened by the confidence of dark skinned women. Almost like if people don’t give you the permission to be confident, you’re not allowed to be that on your own. It’s exhausting now and was obviously exhausting enough in 1900.

Black men don’t see their liberation as equal to black women- in the series, there’s a scene where the head of the NAACP is saying that black men have to be liberated first before women and there still is that energy now, where women are still largely fighting for themselves and black men still see their own liberation as the most important part of black liberation.

Women moved women forward and still do- following on from the previous point, women are still largely responsible for moving women forward, contrary to popular belief. In the series, both Sarah Walker and Addie Munroe (who didn’t exist as Addie Munroe in real life) created thousands of jobs for women and empowered thousands of women through their businesses.

When the husband is the support, he wants the credit - in the series, Sarah’s husband gets upset when she refers to him as “doing the graphics” in a meeting. What he wants is equal recognition and to be seen as a joint partner and that’s still very common. In so many businesses owned by men, their female partners make enough contributions to be recognised as equal, and are still recognised as so. Men are excellent of not just being recognised for the labour of their female partners, but often even overshadowing said partners. Very rarely, do you see women fighting for credit of their partners business, but men dont even ask for credit, they just take it.

Find your lane- jealousy slows you down- in the series, Addie spends her whole career shadowing Sarah and trying to beat her. This doesn’t always happen in the caricature way it’s shown, but it happens often enough. Someone questioning how come their friend has more YouTube followers, how come they’ve gotten promoted at work? How come people listen to what they say on Instagram? Focusing on someone else’s path is a distraction and is pointless

Expectations on light skin beauty- everyone loses in colorism, even though each side would argue differently.

How much men feel entitled to women’s time- in the series, C.J fights with Sarah over how much she works and while that is an argument that can be flipped, it’s often an argument from this point of view. Lots of recent studies have shown that gender roles are actually regressing and although men often think of themselves as progressive, they are only progressive as long as it doesn’t actually affect them. So your wife can work and it’s great until she doesn’t cook or isn’t home when you are or works all the time. It’s fascinating that men with families can still live spontaneous lives and be flexible for work because their female partners will invariable take on more of the inflexible roles and compromise their own success. We have men that laugh at gender arguments on social media get offended that their wife doesn’t cook or clean enough, wants to outsource care of the baby, has spontaneous plans. It’s just so fascinating how little progress we’ve made in that regard.

I think there’s a tendency of people living in the present to romanticise the present and imagine that as bad as it is, it’s better than before. That’s not always the case at all, especially when it comes to human relations. Technology and medicine move faster than the development of gender roles and wow, it is exhausting.

Why Don't Men Touch Each Other?

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The new season of Black Mirror opens slow. There’s a club scene. There’s a couple and a friend who we’ve established is also their roommate. Having watched the last few seasons of black mirror, I waited to see what would happen- Were they suspended in some other reality? Was someone secretly a holograph?

All they did was dance and go home to have steamy sex (we know it was steamy because it wasn't in a bed) and then the guys stayed up all night playing a video game.

Now they are in the future and girlfriend is now wife with a much better weave, she looks hot tbh. Husband still looks terrible with his bad haircut, but now he’s also wearing daddy clothes and grilling meat and looking at the butt crack of one of the guests. He’s also 38. Hilarious because 38 is really not that old, but Hollywood likes to play like it’s 60. He tries to talk to other dads but it just doesn’t click. It is exactly the way Hollywood likes to portray marriage, deeply boring and unsatisfying. Friend shows up with a better haircut and has an awkward conversation with husband and gives him his gift- a reboot of the game they played so lovingly together all those years ago. They loosen up and start to talk about waxing balls- haha?

By now, we are basically 15 minutes in with no technology. The first sign of futuristic technology is a voice controlled dishwasher.

Husband and Friend are in that moment, in their separate lives, uninspired by their sex lives. Husband is playing online Tetris when he gets an invitation from Friend to play. They start their fighting game as the same characters they always used to pick but this time the game is enhanced by VR and real life touch. After enjoying testing out the feeling of punches, Friend (a female character) kisses Husband (a male character) in the game. Although Friend makes the first move, as he’s clearly wanted to the whole game, Husband throws himself into the kiss, until guilt breaks him away and he exits the game with a real life boner that he takes to bed to his real life wife.

The next night, Husband starts the game with the disclaimer “I can’t play long, I was drunk last time” insert side eye emoji Friend is like “oh sure, same”. It’s the language of people who are about to engage in something they shouldn’t. This time, there’s no hesitation, they get right to it. Afterwards, they talk about if it’s a gay thing, “it doesn't feel gay” Husband says before his son kicks him in real life and he has to exit the game. When his wife comes home, he pretends to be asleep, is it guilt or avoidance or a little bit of both.

Now that Pandora’s box has been open, they are having virtual sex every night and their real lives are consumed too. Husband can’t get it up for his wife, Friend can’t finish with his girlfriend. This isn’t just some virtual tryst they are having. After putting on virtual clothes post virtual sex, they lay down and they talk. Friend describes having sex in a female body as “the whole damn orchestra”. Husband and Wife go out for dinner on their wedding anniversary and Wife cries as she asks why he doesn’t want her anymore.

“I tried fucking their computer controlled characters, it’s bullshit, it’s like a rubber doll, they are not programmed for any sex stuff, they just sort of lie there”

The guilt sets in and he gives up the game. Friend is going crazy and refuses to let go. He tries to negotiate with Husband- “its not cheating”, “its not real” “its like porn”, what about if we only do it on the first Sunday of each month. Husband has made up his mind and refuses to negotiate. Husband is now back to bonding with his family and Friend is going crazy, until Wife invites Friend for dinner, and Husband’s avoidance tactics have to come to an end.

As they virtual kissed post the most intense virtual sex they had ever had, Friend whispered “I love you.”

you’re feeling it too, just say it

Husband angrily suggests that they should meet up in real life and he suggests that they kiss. They give each other a dry peck and feel nothing.

As far as I’m concerned, the idea that they would meet up, peck and know there are no sparks is bullshit. Sparks are funny, intimacy is funny, it doesn’t always respond to that kind of pressure/expectation. Haven’t you ever had a crush and the first kiss was meh, because there was all this build up to it, but then the like 4th kiss ends up being magical.

I know a big question in this episode that even the characters asked themselves was “is it a gay thing?’ . First, I think very rarely are people either gay or straight. Second, I feel like male friendship is such an interesting thing, there’s so much closeness without the intimacy and I feel like in this show, they were able to examine that intimacy in albeit an extreme way. For women, that intimacy might have been explored over time by holding hands and hugging and drunken I love you kisses- physical contact in a way men don’t have in their friendships. That also probably has something to do with friend feeling more relaxed and comfortable in his semi-virtual female self. When you’re an anxious person, it makes sense to continually look for ways to escape yourself. This is the perfect form of escape. You’re you, but you’re not you. In a way, developing a societally acceptable closeness with your friend in a semi-virtual world where you can both just be is an addictive idea.

Things About Nigerian Boarding School That Made No Sense

The absolute first thing that made no sense about boarding school was that I went when I was NINE years old. NINE! I look at nine year olds now and they are BABIES. I felt “grown up” enough to g though. When I left 3 years later (because I was always sick), I begged to stay.

Now, looking back at it, I’m like what the hell? So many things about boarding school made no sense.

Why did we have to wake up so early?

In the “real” world, school is so early because parents go to work and school time needs to align with work time. In a “fake” world in the middle of nowhere, where the teachers had houses in the school, we shouldn’t have had to wake up at the crack of dawn. We used to start class before 8 and have two classes BEFORE breakfast?! What was the need for that?

Why were our showers cold?

I honestly think this is a violation of some kind of children's rights. We were in a village that was cold at nights and mornings and we used to wake up and have freezing showers. Why couldn’t we have hot water? People used to do really dangerous things like pour water over a hot iron, just to get hot water. It’s kind of amazing that we made it out alive.

Why didn’t we always have running water?

Why was “fetching water” a part of the boarding school experience? Why couldn’t we just always have water? If you’re responsible for 600 students, running water is like the bare minimum, I would imagine. It’s unbelievable to me now that we didn’t always have water.

Why were chores punishment?

I remember one time when like a lot of us had to wash gutters as punishment. Can’t even remember what we were being punished for but isn’t it someone’s job to wash gutters? Why on earth are we doing this as a punishment? Why did we ever cut grass? What was all this supposed to be teaching us?

I think ultimately, there was this pretence that we were somehow gathering life lessons in these harsh things, when in reality, there were much better ways to teach these things.

I loved boarding school though and there were way more good things than bad things and I still remember how gutted I was that I had to leave.

What was your boarding school experience like?

How to shop for a pandemic (includes free downloadable pdf)

Shit is getting real. As the world slowly shuts down and we start to practice self-isolation and social distancing, shopping in bulk is something that everyone has to come to grips with. For many of us, we may have lived in a house of bulk shopping, but never had to do it in our adult lives.

When I think of shopping for a pandemic, I think of the worst case scenario. What happens if there’s no light or you don’t have a source of water. The goal is to have options that don’t rely on anything else and to have the bare essentials and some extras.

Food

You still want to try and eat as nutritiously as you can. If you have a lot of freezer space, you can buy things to freeze. If you don't , this is where cans and cupboards come in handy. Even if you have freezer space, imagine that there will come a time with no light, so you have to have can and dried food. Think of how many people live in the house and how long you want to shop for, then multiply each item. Me and my husband used a two week shopping list as a base and calculated things based on what we already know about our usage. For water, the recommendation is 3 litres per person per day. For me that is 84 litres of water, which is 4 dispenser bottles. Apply that mindset to your whole shop. This is a non-vegetarian/vegan list.

Freezer

Meat/ Alternate protein source

Vegatables

Canned Goods

Canned Fish

Canned vegatebles

Canned fruits

Beans

Chickpeas

Cupboard foods

Rice

Beans

Pasta

Garri

Ketchup and hot sauce

Peanut butter

Nuts

Seeds

Tea

Coffee

Powdered/evaporated milk/ shelf stable milk

Shelf stable drinks that don’t need to be refrigerated and have a long shelf life

Water

Fridge

Yoghurt

Fruit and vegetables

Cleaning Products and Toiletries

Multipurpose bleach based cleaner

Sponges

Dish washing liquid

Wipes

Soap

Toilet roll

Kitchen roll

First aid

Multivitamin

Vitamin c

Paracetamol

Bandages

Plasters

Antiseptic wipes/solution

Other Essentials

Powerbanks

Torch light'/rechargeable lamps

batteries

candles

Where do you get your books?

Nothing in this post is in anyway sponsored.

I get asked this question fairly often, so I’m hoping this will be a handy resource to send out. There are two main options for how I get my books:

1. Buy them

2. Get advance reader copies (ARC)

However, these are the options I’m going to recommend

1. Subscription services

2. Second hand books

3. Advanced reader copies

4. Buy them

The reason I don’t use a lot of subscription services is that I like to read books as close to their release date as possible. It’s like watching a show when it first comes out. I don’t always do that because I can’t read an unlimited number of books but I would usually get books on (or before) their release date. I actually track book release dates, which sounds intense, but it’s just what I like. I also mostly read digital books because that’s how I prefer to read. If I’m on screens all day (like most of us are), I would rather read like that. I know for a lot of people, it’s the opposite, and whatever rocks your boat. I also don’t listen to audiobooks because I feel like it interrupts my interpretation of the story, but also, my attention span isn’t great for audio content.

So without further ado:

Amazon

By far by most used service which is why links in my posts about books are usually amazon links. (Guys, I’m about to get kicked out of the amazon affiliate program because I haven’t generated the minimum spend and I know y’all be buying the books I recommend so use my links so I can buy more books).

Anyway, yes, I use amazon. I own a kindle and have the kindle app on all my devices. You can also read your kindle purchases in your browser, so there is no shortage of ways you can read the books you get through amazon. Now amazon has two book subcription services. The first is amazon prime. Your prime membership also includes a free reading subscription of some books and magazines. I don’t use this because the section isn’t great. They also have kindle unlimited, which has a better selection and also has a lot of self published books which is good for fantasy readers.

If you add books to your amazon Wishlist, they tell you when prices drop and book prices change a lot, so if you can wait, then wait for the price to drop and then you can buy it at a price that’s closer to your budget.

And for people that like physical books, they deliver to Nigeria but I know we have bookstores like Roving Heights that deliver nation-wide. If you live anywhere but here, there’s no shortage of book stores.

Second hand books

in Nigeria, Lagos Island has a lot of used bookstores. If you live somewhere with charity shops, that tends to be a good place to get books.

Scribd

a book subscription service that has audiobooks. Their audiobook selection is actually really good and current. Their book selection is good but isn’t always as current as their audiobook section. The scribd app is all encompassing, so it’s a reading app as well as a browsing app. You can read offline etc. They have a free trial period, so it’s worth trying out to get a feel for their book selection.

Netgalley

This is a website for advanced reader copies and where I get most of mine. Anyone can sign up and I like how easy to use it is. When you sign up and create a profile, you can browse the books and make requests ro publishers. Obviously your profile should be well written because that’s most of what approvals are based on. If approved, the book will be sent to a reading app you would have linked at sign up (the kindle app is one that you can use).

Edelweiss

Another website for advanced reader copies but I honestly hate how it’s laid out and looks and find it more difficult to use than netgalley. Sometimes when publishers send me advanced reader copies, they want me to claim through edelweiss and I just hate the process.

Sometimes, publishers send me books directly which I would usually have to claim through netgalley or edelweiss. I prefer to use netgalley and request things I’m actually interested in.

A Nigerian e-book site I’ve used is okadabooks. I’ve used it like twice so I can’t say too much about it, but including it if you want to check it out.

Follow my book review instagram (bookstagram)

How to deal with anxiety

It was only a few years ago that I realised that not everyone lives with anxiety. Not everyone has a crushing unidenitifiable fear of everything/anything that stops them from being able to act. Anxiety for me feels like someone sitting on my chest- it’s the inability to make myself do the simplest things like fill a form because I’m worried about some unidentifiable fear of what the form will lead to. If you are reading this now and realising that you may have anxiety, you’re not alone. Anxiety is one of those things that everyone thinks they have. Everyone feels anxious sometimes, but not everyone has anxiety.

These things won’t cure your anxiety, but one or a combination might help you to feel better, for an hour, a day or longer and honestly, when you’re in the depths of a crushing anxiety attack, any little help goes a long way.

Limit the source of anxiety

Reading every single headline/ report/ think piece/ tweet updating you on the very thing that’s causing you anxiety is not a good idea. Limit what you can. If you don’t use social media for work, consider stepping back- if you do, consider putting filters and mute words in place. You don’t need to see everything.

Develop a routine

When you’re stuck at home, taking a break from routine can sound like the most freeing thing in the world, but a routine establishes some sort of order in your mind and goes a long way in controlling anxiety. It doesn’t have to be a crazy routine- you dont have to wake up at 4am and wear a suit the whole day. It can be as simple as waking up in the same time frame, always making a coffee when you wake up, always eating the same breakfast, always working from the same couch position etc. A routine is anything you repeatedly do- it doesn’t have to be something draconian.

Journal your feelings

Journalling is one of those things that everyone tells you is good for you but you can never seem to bring yourself to do. You don’t need a special notebook, you don’t need to light a candle, it doesn’t have to be in the morning. It can be in the notes app in your phone, you can send a message to yourself on your phone, you can write it on a random piece of paper. the goal is to get the thoughts out of your head and somewhere. Most times, anxiety comes from a place we can’t pinpoint and that can feel overwhelming, but writing it down (most times you don’t even know where it’s from before you write it down) makes you see exactly what it is. You’d be shocked that your anxiety is from something that’s easy to fix and even when it isn’t, it can give you some calm, however temporary.

Pay attention to your diet

For most of my life, I’ve had a hard time sleeping through the night. Being able to sleep better is probably the biggest perk of married for me, because my husband’s presence is calming for me, and my sleep is generally better. Over time, I’ve tried a ridiculous number of diets. The ones that had a biggest impact on my sleep were magnesium supplements, fasting, and any diet that limits carbs/sugar. I say this long thing to say, just pay attention to how your diet affects your moods, your anxiety and things that exacerbate anxiety like lack of sleep.

Workout

The only workout that has ever given me endorphins to the extent that it calmed my anxiety is running, so I’m including it in case it’s something you want to try. There are so many workouts to try that may have the same effect- walking, yoga, pilates- try different workouts and see what works for you.

Meditation

The one thing meditation does is teaches you to be present and to really hear yourself think. It can be hard to get into if it’s not something that you naturally do but over time, it’s worth it. Start as simply as possible, with a five minute app meditation. Try and do it at roughly the same time everyday and overtime, it will become something you can do when you need to.

What are the things that help you with your mental health?

Shows like Greys Anatomy (just joking, the only similarities are that these shows are also set in a hospital)

New Amsterdam

I love this show so much and I think what makes this show so great to watch is the characters. The cast is great and everyone’s personality/ storyline is fully formed. From the first episode, you get a good grasp of who each character is and as the show progresses, those characters change in many ways but they always stay true to the core of their character. There is also way less blood than Grey’s anatomy and the speeches aren’t as speechy. If you try it because of this post, message me and let me know what you think (yes even if you hate it). I’m dying to tell you the characters and plot lines I love most, but I don’t even want to give a single spoiler.

The Good Doctor

An American show copied from an award winning South Korean show of the same name (they bought the rights but still) about an autistic doctor, Shaun, trying to become a surgeon. The first season was very strong, fell off a bit in the second season, but it’s back on form. It’s nice to see how much Shaun develops as a person throughout the show.

The Resident

A show about good doctors in a bad system trying to figure out how to circumvent the system for the benefit of their patients. There’s a Nigerian doctor in the cast and the intern assigned to her back story definitely did a botched job, but it’s fine. The first two seasons are the strongest, so it’s worth watching.

Carol’s Second Act

This is a show about a 50 year old retired teacher who re-trained as a doctor and is now an intern in a hospital. It’s a sitcom but it’s fun to watch even though it isn’t always funny.

I’ve recently started even more medical tv shows if you can believe it, but I haven’t watched enough of any new one to add them to the list. There are also some that were really good but got cancelled after one or two seasons. It’s crazy how many of these I watch. If you have any recommendations, leave them in the comments below!

The 4 books I read in February 2020

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It Sounded Better In My Head - When her two best friends start dating, Natalie is suddenly a third wheel, but she’s also taken aback because she kind of thought she and Zach would always end up together. On top of that, her parents are getting divorced and seem to be taking it too well. The story follows Natalie trying to work through everything that seems to be falling apart and figuring out how to enjoy her final high school year without blowing up her life any further.

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Black Sunday- when their parents abandon them with their grandmother in search of different lives, they each have to find their own way to cope and create their own lives. This story follows each child in alternating chapters till they grow up. It’s set in a fictional but realistic Lagos.

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A Particular Kind of Black Man- When Tunde’s mum leaves he and his brother in America in a midwestern town, it begins and adventure that includes moving every couple of months and starting over. Tunde starts to lose grasp on reality, often living a thought and remembering things that never happened. As he loses grip on his thoughts and memories, he decides to take a trip to Nigeria to visit his mother who suffered from mental health issues as well. The book read like a memoir and was a different kind of storytelling. Like The Millions Lives of Neena Gill, it puts you in the mind of Tunde, which means you start to doubt everything in the story too.

The Right Swipe- when Rhiannon runs into the guy that ghosted her at an app event, her first instinct is to put her guard up and ignore everything he has to say. Their work for rival dating apps throws them together and soon, she’s willing to accept that he’s more than the jerk she assumed him to be. It wasn’t as engaging as I expected because it tried to address too many issues in sub plots and be as diverse as possible which just ended up distracting from the romance. However, it was still an enjoyable read.

What it's Like to be Vegan in Nigeria

I found a draft of my vegan journey and even though I did this in 2018, I realised that some of the lessons I learnt are still useful. I’m going to leave the draft untouched in italics below and continue after.

I didn't want to start off the year with the pressure to lose weight so when someone I know suggested vegan January, I jumped at the chance. More fruit and veg and real food in my diet? yes. There's this misconception that vegans can't eat anything- hahaha. They can. Bruh, I might actually put on weight on this thing they way things are looking. 

Examples of things that are vegan that really just make me stressed

Smarties- what?

oreos- this is the most common one and i think everyone knows this

hobnobs

pringles

ritz crackers

noodles

dry pasta

omo- the list goes on.

Things that should be vegan and often aren't 

orange juice

wine

sugar 

palm oil

So yeah anyway, I'm in for a carby ride.  To fully prepare, I went on a massive shopping trip, which on reflection was largely unnecessary. Stocked up on nut milks for my lattes, pasta sauces and chilli sauces. I'm not going to be vegan AND stress myself cooking everything from scratch. Ironically, I kept fresh fruit and veg to a minimum because I dont like having tons of stuff that can go off in the fridge staring at me. 

The biggest revelation was all the SNACKS! Bruh, being vegan is a snackers paradise- might really have to do no sugar February after this- hmmm, thats actually not a bad idea. 

Anyway, wish me luck, off to nap after eating garlic chilli noodles.

I made a vegan birthday cake for my husband (boyfriend at the time). I make vegan cakes all the time because it’s good for a lot of intolerances (dairy, egg etc)

Okay so now we are here in 2020 and thank God for the Apple update that makes it possible to search your phone by date because I have 21,733 photos and would never have been able to find photos from January 2018.

When I look back on my journey, it was obvious that I decided to do this on a whim. If I were to do it now, I would eat completely different foods and approach it differently. I had to stop after 24 days because I couldn’t breathe properly, I felt like I constantly had a weight on my chest. I did go to the hospital and they said nothing was wrong, but I still couldn’t breathe so I stopped. I did try to eat fortified foods and supplement as much as possible, but I was eating a lot of low nutrient foods and I’m anaemic, so it honestly wasn’t the best combination.

Here’s a summary of stuff that I found

• My skin was kind of glowy. I sent a photo to my friend and she thought I was showing her a new highlighter. The only other time I got good skin from a diet was when I gave up sugar completely in all forms. This wasn’t skin on that level but it was pretty good.

• I never felt full no matter what I ate- I did feel satisfied but never stuffed and sometimes I ate a ton of rice. I guess because of how simple carbs (which sadly, is the bulk of what I ate) are used by the body, it’s harder to feel stuffed.

• I craved vegetables. My first meal post vegan was a vegetarian pizza with A LOT of vegetables and a salad.

• My appetite shrunk a lot

Places I ate at

• Samantha’s bistro (does it even still exist?) had a really really good veggie burger- they claimed it had no animal products but I didn’t investigate too thoroughly because I wanted to eat it.

• Craft Gourmet was a place I used to go to a lot at the time so it made sense that I tried being vegan there. The options were fewer than I expected- lots of vegetarian options though.

• Sharwarma & Co was the surprising one! They have a couple of vegan wraps and they are delicious!

• I also did things like buy plain salads and add them to plain white rice to make a “burrito bowl”.

I would hundred percent do it again if I needed to or if I became vegan for ethical reasons and I think it’s very doable in Lagos. I’m sure with eating out, things may have had stock cubes that weren’t vegan etc, so it would have been a completely different experience if I approached it from an ethical standpoint. I probably wouldn’t have risked eating cooked food at non-vegan restaurants. I stayed strictly on the side of “contains no animal products as far as I can see and am told.

2020 Goals- February Update

Wow. 2 months down already! I started the year with such a blaze of energy that I was really surprised when February rolled round and I was hit with a wave of exhaustion and overwhelmingness that refused to shift the whole month. I could not motivate myself to do anything, I couldn’t focus, I woke up a lot in the middle of the night and tried to calm myself back to sleep, I barely spoke to or saw my friends and/or family- I just felt drained. Luckily, by the end of Feb, stuff started to pick back up and I hope that new energy lasts all March.

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Health and Fitness

Run a 10k and a half marathon- well, well well, I walked a 10k, so that’s…something. I still don’t know what half marathon I’m doing and I’m definitely going to start specific training this week.

Walking- Still walking, still boring (although when I have a particularly interesting Netflix episode to watch, I just walk through it).

Learn how to do a pushup- So I started this and realised my core and arms are weak! Starting the push up training definitely improved the focus of my workouts.

Get a full health work up- no comment (but basically haven’t done this or made any plans to do it)

Eat more protein- I definitely am doing a lot better on this but there was like a week where I was so tired of thinking of protein, I just didn’t. It definitely takes conscious effort to meet my protein goals. I’ve noticed that sometimes even though I’ve been eating all day, I’m still quite hungry (even when my fibre levels were great) and it occurred to me that low protein was to blame some of the time. I think this is something I will have to continually work on all year.

I went to the gym 16 times this month which was 6 times more than January, so yay!

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Career

I want to pass on updating this, but I’m sure a couple of months later, I will wish I did. This is still non existent- I’m tired of talking about it, I’m tired of thinking about it. Someone asked why I don’t illustrate more and honestly, doing creative things for profit takes so much mental energy, I feel like it may drive me insane. I’m going to pause on thinking for what I want to get out of this in March and throw my energy into other areas of my life because I need a mental break.

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Love

Work on giving with no expectations- I really didn’t have a lot to give this month- You can’t pour from an empty cup, blablabla.

Say yes to attending things

I did say yes, in spite of how I felt, so go me.

Get rid of as much clutter as I can- lol.

In summary, March can only be better.

 Where are you on your goals/resolutions?

the 11 books i read in january 2020

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Every Reason We Shouldn’t – enjoyable and well rounded read. Romantic YA (Young Adult) novels tend to focus on romance and nothing else, this was an exception. The characters, their voices and actions were well formed and there was a good balance between showing and telling motivations. I was sad for this fictional world to end.

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 Would Like to meet- I enjoyed this way more than I expected to. Evie with a promotion on the line, agrees to re-enact meet cute situations to inspire a scriptwriter at her agency to finish his rom com script. Cue clumsy romance scenarios and multiple love interests.

 Before and After the Book Deal: a writer’s Guide to finishing, publishing, promoting and surviving your first book- as someone that is on a journey to acquiring a book deal, this was on my must read for the year and it was well written and easy to read. If you’re someone that loves to research, most of the information is pretty available online, but something like this pulls all the important stuff into one place.

Loveboat, Taipei- Ever is sent to a summer camp in Taiwan for fellow foreign students to learn more about their home country. The camp ends up being more fun and drama than she expected and allows her to explore herself away from her parents.

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I’m Not Dying With You Tonight- a white and black high school student get stuck finding their way home together during police riots. During their journey home, they find out more about each others lives and points of view and examine previously held prejudices. I usually avoid plots that take place in a short time frame because I tend to find it repetitive and long winded, but it actually worked here and was a quick easy read.

From the Desk of Zoe Washington- when Zoe opens a letter addressed to her that she isn’t supposed to have, she finds that its from her father in jail. Knowing her parents wouldn’t allow her to speak to him, she starts a secret correspondence with hum and leafs to her finding out complicated information.

The Fitness Chef: Eat What You Like & Lose Weight For Life- if you follow Graeme on instagram, this book is basically a reprise of his instragram and doesn’t really say much else that’s new. I think the “lose weight for life” is a bit of a marketing gimmick because what does that even mean, but he talks about energy balance and encourages

Not so pure and Simple- when Del feels like he may miss an opportunity to finally get with his long term crush, Kiera, he enters a purity pledge at church to be closer to her. What follows is his examination of friendship, sexuality, faith and family.

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What I carry- this is a look at the American foster care system from a different perspective. With only one year left in foster care, Muir has learnt to not form attachments, or roots and to only own what she can carry in her suitcase. Her final placement leads her to people that are life changing which upsets her idea of everything she has fought so hard to believe. While it was nice to read a different perspective of foster care (the author adopted a daughter that was previously in foster care), the story fell a bit flat in places and the character motivations were kind of flat. It was a quick, don’t want to think too much kind of read.

The million pieces of Neena Gill- this was a very hard read because it was told from the point of view of someone that was experiencing psychosis after the disappearance of her brother- the unreliable narration, the way incidents were skewed, the flawed relationships- it was very well done, but I felt like I needed a break after because of the intensity.

Nothing to see here- When Madison invites her old school friend to babysit her step kids, Lilian jumps at the offer because she has nothing else going on. What she doesn’t expect is that the twins sometimes burst into flames. The books explores the relationship between Lilian and the twins as she learns about them and tries to control the fire.

Netflix Love is Blind is a whole mess and we are all obsessed with it

When Netflix first announced Love is Blind, my mind went to Dating in the Dark and the Circle. When it launched, what I got was more “90 Day Fiance”. I’m really curious about why Americans love these sorts of “experiments”? When the UK tried to do Married at First Sight, it was a lot of people being disgusted at the altar but American shows seem to thrive off this dynamic?

The show starts with the hosts explaining how it works- it’s pretty much blind dating (emphasis on the blind) that can lead to an engagement and then marriage. I wonder who picks and buys the rings? Does the show supply them? Also, apparently, 8 couples got engaged but the show only followed 6, which is kind of sad.

So they enter pods and start dating. I was watching lazily at first until I heard Lauren say “I love you” after like two days of talking to Cameron. I screamed when he said it back and neither of them seemed to be joking! Lauren said it best when she said “I have food in my fridge that has been there longer than I’ve known him”- exactly girl.

Lauren and Camron are the least of our problems- Barnett (who thought Diamond was a stripper off her name alone) is juggling three girls. They may not be able to see him but they definitely feel his frat boy- unserious- will hundred- percent -be- bad- for- you energy and they are loving it. His favourite seems to be Jessica, but she’s also juggling Mark. Maybe it’s because Mark is 24 or she’s going back to a shared house with two other girls interested in Barnett, but Jessica gives Mark the “it’s not really me and it’s not really you, but I’m out of here” and she’s all set to tell Barnett he’s her number one! But again, Barnett, right on form, is suddenly confused even though he told Jessica she was top runner. She flies into a fit and leaves him alone in his pod with his words hanging from his mouth but then she goes back to the house to try to convince the other girls that like him to leave him alone- obviously, they are looking at her like ??? That’s just one less person to compete with.

Jessica goes back to Mark with her tail between her legs and he happily takes her back seeing as he didn’t have any other options and he really wants to prove that he’s the one for her.

Diamond and Carlton both share really deep experiences with each other and end up engaged, so do Kelly and Kenny (who we know basically nothing about) Giannina and Damien, Barnett and Amber, Jessica and Mark and Lauren and Cameron.

When the couples meet each other, they all seem fairly happy. Damien and Amber are happier than anyone else- It’s safe to say that in the real world, they often date people that fall below that bar. It’s interesting to me that Amber says that she struggles to date in the real world because she’s too attractive? And then it’s impossible for people to see past that but her relationship with Barnett hinges on that physical connection.

Also, there seems to be a standard level of attractiveness throughout the cast. Everyone is kind of in the generally accepted realms of attractive. I’m curious about that casting choice- maybe Netflix didn’t want discussions to be focused on looks and more on the couples and it seems to have worked.

On the first night in a Mexican resort, 3 couples proceed to have sex. Giannina is ready to go for it, after a dry spell of over a year - Lauren and Cameron already seem married and are so sweet about it and Amber and Barnett- duh.

You can immediately tell that Jessica is slightly repulsed by Mark and she quickly shuts down any talk of physical activities. Kelly also does the same.

Diamond and Carlton aren’t even at that point, because he’s too busy being rude and a bit aggressive. Because they’ve bonded in the pods, she identifies that something is wrong and pushes him to talk about it. His secret is that he’s bisexual. Diamond is taken aback on two fronts- one, that his sexuality is different to what she thought and two that their honest bond wasn’t as honest as she assumed. As he bursts into tears, she comforts him by rubbing his back but also says that she needs to think about what it means.

In the end, we never get to hear Diamond’s thoughts because Carlton bullies her out of having thoughts and feelings and without enjoying the resort paradise, they go their separate ways.

And now there were 5. Now all the couples meet for the first time. Jessica is instantly attracted to Barnett and Amber is holding on tight. Kelly is randomly talking about Cameron being attractive and I’m kind of like - chill babe, he’s not here for you. Jessica has picked up on the physical vibes between Barnett and Amber and you can see her playing her + Barnett in her head (he on the other hand doesn’t seem at all interested). Then she hit us with “if I had coupled up with Barnett, you would be seeing a more sophisticated, more mature Barnett”. She can’t stop talking about this guy and Mark is getting more and more desperate to hold on. In the end, she reneges on the engagement but still wants to try and see where their relationship goes?

Jessica is quickly becoming the villain of the series. It is clear that she doesn’t like Mark- not as a friend, not as a colleague and definitely not as a person to marry. I don’t know what her motivations are yet, but hopefully, they will become clearer.

And I almost forgot about Giannina and Damien. He put his job in jeopardy to come on the show? I definitely feel like there’s a lot that he’s hiding and I can’t wait for his truth to come out because she has been nothing but honest and upfront and I think she deserves at least that back.

As it stands now, the only couple I can see getting married is Lauren and Cameron, I’m even happy for them that they came on the show because they seem to have gotten the most out of the experience. I just don’t see any of the others making it to the altar?

What are your thoughts on the show and the couples?