1. Denial
The growing realisation that you have to take a shit dawns on you. “Nah, I can definitely wait till I’m home”, you think, but then you realise it’s only 11.30, you’re one hour from home and it’s a busy day at work.
2. Bargaining
You try to explain to your stomach and God that holding out for home should be the only option; “If I don’t drink water for the rest of the day, surely that’s fine, what if I was stuck on a road trip? Mind over matter, i’m an adult, I can do this.”
3. Acceptance
It’s 11.30 on a work day, you’re an hour away from home, this shit is happening.
4. The shit
After checking to make sure the coast is clear and preparing your alibi, you proceed to take the shit, praying nothing crazy happens, like a blocked toilet or back splash. Fate is on your side and all goes well.
5. Moving forward
Someone came in briefly while you were in the toilet but you didn’t come out till they were gone. You hope they didn’t sense that it was you. You feel weirdly self conscious for a bit but then you give yourself a massive pep talk, “EVERYBODY SHITS, GET OVER IT!”